At Southern Funeral Care, we understand the myriad of emotions that accompany the loss of a loved one. We have collected a comprehensive selection of grief support articles, grief stories, and information from the experts to help show that you are not alone in your grief and to help you find appropriate coping mechanisms after losing a loved one. Browse through the different content below, and feel free to
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Emotional Aspects of Cremation
by Susan Cox
As the world continues to spin, it becomes a much smaller place. The age of information has arrived and with it are buried (no pun intended) many of the old ideas, but not necessarily the old traditions. When you ask about the emotional aspects of cremation, there are several things to consider. Each of these aspects differs from one person to another.
Prior to Christianity, cremation was an accepted form of final disposition of deceased human remains. Two thousand years ago, it became "popular" to entomb the body of the deceased person in a sepulcher. Because this was also done with the body of Christ, following the crucifixion, it became a part of the Christian belief and practice that deceased human remains should be entombed or buried. The non-Christians of the time continued to cremate their deceased human remains. Over a period of time a fixed mindset evolved that Cremation was un-Christian. It has taken the better part of two thousand years for this belief to wane. Proof of Christian acceptance of cremation? From the King James translation of the Holy Bible (there, again, some people believe that this is the only "acceptable" version of the Bible) in I Corinthians, Chapter 13, Verse 3:
"And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing."
Okay, so it does not say, "It's okay to be cremated!" But it DOES discuss cremation in a very positive light: as an act of love for others. This is not meant to negate the ideas or beliefs of any other religions. I just come from a Judeo-Christian background, and cremation is one of the biggest emotional issues I have heard discussed by Christians. What about the change in the physical form of deceased human remains? Even with earth burial or entombment, change will happen. It will take much longer, but change will come... One reasonable question to ask is this: Do you want the change in the deceased's physical remains to happen over a period of four hours, four hundred years, or four thousand years? An actual cremation may take around four hours. Earth burial (with embalming, and a sealed, high grade metal casket, and vault) might possibly maintain its contents several hundred years in the right climate and soil. And today's headlines continue to surprise us with new finds of the results of ancient mummification in dry climates.
Cremation is the neatest, cleanest, safest form of disposition of deceased human remains. There may be some concern that prior to death and cremation you were a certain size and now you would fit into an urn of 200 cubic inches, but an urn can be held; caskets are a little too bulky for holding. Sometimes one must be reminded that embalming is a surgical procedure for the TEMPORARY preservation, sanitation, and restoration of deceased human remains. Decomposition can be slowed and delayed, but even in mummification, it still occurs over a period of time.
As a new mortuary student, I took my objections to cremation with me. I really just didn't know what to think about the first cremation with which I had to assist. On the one hand, I had almost 30 years of "anti-cremation" ingrained in me. On the other hand, in actually seeing a cremation, I couldn't see anything "Un-Christian" about cremation. By the time I assisted with a second cremation, I was changing my paradigm..."getting out of my box" of ingrained thought processes about cremation. It wasn't long until I became excited about cremation because there are so many different options available to families who choose cremation.
When you consider that our physical body is what keeps us "grounded" to the earth's surface, and when you consider how much pain our bodies can cause us over our life time, it's no wonder that more and more people opt to do away with THAT physical presence completely in order to maintain the memory of the person's spiritual self. Just think what the spirit could accomplish if it were not confined to the container known as the human body!
Discussion, even if it is difficult and uncomfortable, with family and loved ones, may help you uncover the reasons behind their feelings about cremation.
Susan Mitchell Cox has served as the managing funeral director of Alexander Funeral Service in Taylorsville since it's opening in 1996. She was the first woman in a ten-count area of northwestern North Carolina to be a licensed as a funeral director and embalmer. She was recently elected as the District 10 Director for NCFDA.
Grief: The First Week, Month, Year
By Connie Zolnay
The First Week
From the moment we hear of a profound loss, we need to take ourselves out of circulation. There is no sense in making believe nothing has happened. Stop. Cancel the party, speaking engagement, or opening night. There has been a tear in the fabric of your life and it requires mending. No safety pins! For the first week following a loss, consider staying out of your ordinary reality. Cancel all obligations and go inside. Go inside yourself, inside your home, with trusted allies and friends be they in the form of people, books, tapes or nature. Go where you can hear wisdom voices speaking to you and not on the five o'clock news! The voices in your mind are beginning to form a place where you will hold this loss. Take the time to listen. Since each loss is unique, you can adjust how long and how deeply you want to disconnect from your ordinary reality. Time does not heal, but healing takes time.
Shiva comes from the Hebrew word "sheva," seven. For seven days ask nothing of yourself. All professional and personal responsibilities are canceled. You are instead held, fed, and cared for by family and friends. The you that was in relationship to what feels lost has died.
The First Month
Returning to ordinary reality at the end of a week asks a great deal of us, and sometimes we can't do it in a week... It asks us to trust life enough to return to it. In the face of profound loss, we take baby steps back into life. What kinds of places call to you? Listen to your inner promptings. Who are the people to whom you feel drawn? Who repels you? Listen. Few of us can afford to climb into bed and pull the covers up. Most of us need to engage responsibilities around work and families. This is a safety net so that we don't withdraw totally. On the other hand, getting back to normal is not possible in the face of having to re-define normal. Take the time.
The First Year
There is no closure or completion in the face of loss. This a fallacy too many of us hear and then wonder "What is wrong with me? Why don't I feel closure?" There is no completion but there is integration. As we move through the cycles of time that circumscribe our lives -- the day, the week, the month and the year -- our losses are woven into the fabric of our being.
The first year asks us to be gentle with ourselves. To remember that our core has been dismembered, torn apart, by loss. Healing takes time and healing is an active process! We must step up to our grief, meet it, embrace it and invite it into our lives. Once we do that, grief begins to teach us. The first year is a year of firsts! We need to give ourselves 365 mornings where we awaken into the self that contains our loss. Don't short-change yourself one day. It's your time to heal.
What to Ask for When You're Grieving
By Deb Sims, MS,RNCS,LCSW
When a death occurs or is about to occur, our friends and family members frequently react in ways we don't expect. Some people will immediately reach out and offer appropriate help. Others will be there for the funeral and then be gone. It would appear they don't care. However, in fact, they may care deeply but not know what to do. Sometimes they mistakenly think they would be intruding by calling or stopping by.
So what can we do to help others know what our needs are? I found a letter in a book called Life after Loss by Bob Deits. It is a way of telling a person who has never experienced grief what they can do to help. For all who are grieving, I share this letter from his book with you. With some slight modification, it can also be a good way of explaining what you need from others as a grieving caretaker. All credit for the creation of this letter goes to Bob Deits.
I recommend sending it to anyone who has indicated they'd like to help or anyone you need help from. If you can not do it yourself, perhaps a family member could for you.
Dear_____________________(Family, Friends, Pastor, Employer),
I have experienced a loss that is devastating to me. It will take time, perhaps years, for me to work through the grief I feel because of this loss.
I will cry more than usual for some time. My tears are not a sign of weakness or lack of hope or faith. They are the symbol of the depth of my loss and the sign that I am recovering.
I may become angry without seeming to have a reason for it. My emotions are heightened by the stress of grief. Please be forgiving if I seem irrational at times. I need your understanding and your presence more than anything else. If you don't know what to say, just touch me or give me a hug to let me know you care. Please don't wait for me to call you. I am often too tired to even think of reaching out for the help I need.
Don't allow me to withdraw from you. I need you more than ever during the next year.
Pray for me only if your prayer is not an order for me to make you feel better. My faith does not excuse me from the grief process.
If you have had an experience of loss that seems anything like mine, please share it with me. You will not make me feel worse.
This loss is the worse thing that could happen to me. But I will get through it and I will live again. I will not always feel as I do now.
I will laugh again.
Thank you for caring about me. Your concern is a gift I treasure.
Sincerely,
(your name)
I hope this letter will help ease some of the loneliness that comes from others not knowing what they can do.
Debbie Sims is a Certified Clinical Nurse Specialist in Adult Psychiatric Nursing, has a Masters degree in Clinical Psychology, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She maintains a private practice in counseling but her devotion is to her position as Editor for Beyond Indigo, an Internet web site for those who are grieving.
Making Prearrangements - Why Does It Feel Strange?
By Susan Cox
Many of the folks who have been in my office to prearrange their own funeral and final dispositions are in their 40s and 50s and 60s with no illness or other impending doom! But we also have lots of folks in the same situation in their 70s and 80s and 90s who come in to make their own arrangements, or their loved ones come in to make these decisions. I've even made prearrangements for a lady who was 103 years old.
It's not too late to make prearrangements so long as life remains. This is something that is never viewed as pleasant but, by far, most people feel a huge sense of relief once they have taken care of the decision making process. Getting their funeral director to answer the questions they have, and getting their choices and decisions on paper with their professiona, bring about a great sense of relief and even accomplishment for most folks.
On the other side of this are the families and loved ones who come in to make some arrangements just prior to the death of a loved one. This is very difficult, but it still is easier in the long run than having to make these decisions after a death has occured. At that point your emotions, and not your head, make many of your decisions.
Again, the down side of this is that if there are several decision-makers involved, all of these folks will have many DIFFERENT emotions going on and coming to a consensus is very difficult. My favorite analogy is this: A person dies. Their spouse has already died. Five children come in to make funeral arrangements for their "last" parent. Two of the children have moved away from the home town, and have been able to see Mom and Dad only a few times each year, usually on major holidays. Three of the children have remained around the home town. One or two of these children have been Mom's and Dad's caretakers. The remaining child has been around, but has not been actively involved with his or her parents' care.
These five people come in to make funeral arrangements. The two who have cared for Mom and Dad know they want a "nice" funeral for their parent, but not too expensive because their parents were always frugal. The two from out of town want the best for their parent, possibly making the statement, "This will be the last thing we can do for our parent." The remaining child understands that the less they spend on the funeral, the more there will be to divide five ways....
Here are three different perspectives from five equal "legal next of kins", all in different emotional phases of their grief. Someone wants to spend a lot of money; someone wants to spend as little money as possible. Someone wants to purchase like they THINK their parent would if he or she were there. Someone must compromise. This means that two-thirds of this family will be unpleased by the outcome. This is a funeral director's nightmare.
Unfortunately the funeral director and the funeral home are usually blamed for this unhappiness because you can't blame family members. If you do blame someone in the family, usually an irreparable rift among the family members forms. This is a no-win scenario for everyone. I have seen this happen...more than once.
I recently had a man, his wife, and his sister come in to prearrange their funerals or final dispositions. The man's wife was uncomfortable doing this, so told them about the scenario mentioned in the preceding paragraph of this article. They were all in their 40s, lived in another county, and had used another funeral firm for their parents' services. They said, "You had no way of knowing, but that is exactly what happened in our family...and there were five of us children."
Truth is stranger than fiction.
The best way to prearrange funeral arrangements, for yourself or a loved one, is to discuss it with your family and loved ones (remember, they may be uncomfortable with the discussion), then call your funeral professional, set an appointment for a beautiful day, if there's one available. Talk to your funeral professional. If you are not satisfied with the discussion there, call another firm and talk to another professional.
DO NOT SIGN A FUNERAL CONTRACT WITH ANY FUNERAL FIRM OR FUNERAL DIRECTOR UNTIL YOU ARE SATISFIED THAT THEY WILL FULFILL TO YOUR SATISFACTION YOUR WISHES AND THOSE OF YOUR FAMILY.
Again, ask your professional if you can make unfunded funeral prearrangements until you are sure that your decisions are going to stand; do this while you are healthy and feeling good about life. Remember, a funeral should be a celebration of the life of a very special person.
Susan Mitchell Cox has served as the managing funeral director of Alexander Funeral Service in Taylorsville since it's opening in 1996. She was the first woman in a ten-count area of northwestern North Carolina to be a licensed as a funeral director and embalmer. She was recently elected as the District 10 Director for NCFDA.
Marking Milestones
By Leandra Walker
We humans tend to measure our days by predictable events. Holidays like Easter or Passover, special family days like birthdays and anniversaries. Something as personal as "we always went to the beach on THAT weekend." Or something as nationally recognized such as Independence Day - picnics & fireworks together.
When you lose the one you love, those days can be misery. Or they can be a healing reminder of all the wonderful things you shared. It depends on how you plan to face them.
My first difficult milestone was Thanksgiving, shortly after John's memorial service. I had to find some way to get through the holiday with some semblance of grace. Sorry to say, I didn't handle it well. I cried on my way to my family celebration, and cried harder on my way to my in-laws. It was then that I realized that "business as usual" wasn't going to cut it.
The first time through the year without a partner, every significant day is like a knife wound. You know your own style best, but here are some suggestions to help get you through.
Holidays: Take a break from them if you can. Let family know you aren't up to "celebrating" this year. Make plans to do something entirely different from the way you shared the day with your partner, something you find enjoyable. Visit a museum, the zoo, go shopping, go out instead of dinner at home, whatever will make you feel "in charge" and keep the calendar at bay.
Your Birthday: This was a tough one for me. I spent my birthday with friends who didn't know it was my birthday. We had a big dinner and good conversation and I was able to lose myself in the day.
One young widow threw herself a party, invited only her closest girlfriends and they took turns giving each other makeovers. OR you could buy something special for yourself and know your partner is watching and approving.
HIS/HER Birthday: This is worse yet. I dreaded it for weeks. Finally, I decided to send John's mother flowers and when she called me, we talked for hours about the good times. That evening, I attended a spiritual discussion group where everyone KNEW it was a tough day and they supported me and didn't mind my tears. Being around people who love you and take care of you is a great way to get through a tough day.
For parents, a grief counselor suggested having a party for your spouse that you and your kids can enjoy. A special meal, your partner's photo at the place of honor, a cake with candles the kids can blow out. For older kids, this may be a good time to present them with special keepsakes that belonged to the missing parent. This also gives you a chance to share both your grief and your memories with your children -- they are grieving too, and it's very healing to let them see that, however much you miss someone you love, life continues and that person is always in your heart.
Wedding Anniversary: Whew. Okay. I decided that being alone on my anniversary would be a perfectly awful way to "celebrate" the day. Instead, I decided to pack up and go visit our dearest friends who live out of state. The drive will keep my mind occupied, and my friends will deliver the TLC I need. I plan to drink the same wine and munch the same snack crackers that we shared on our first date. And I'll pour a glass for John!
Death Anniversaries: For the first year, I find myself marking every month. Is it healthy? I don't know. But I can't NOT think of it. I light candles, I talk or write to John about how I'm coping without him. I look at our photo albums. I remember my good fortune in finding him at a young age and having many good years together. I'm finding that 6 months is a bigger deal than 5 months. I can't imagine what I'll be like on the one-year anniversary. But I plan to spend that day with friends who knew him and will be willing to share memories, like an informal one-year memorial service.
A woman who lost her husband just days before I did spent the 6-month day at his grave. She gave him flowers, talked with him a while, then poured his favorite libation over the ground -- a toast to his new life on the other side.
A recent widower told me that buying his wife's favorite flowers and tossing them into the river made the day easier. Another released balloons. Almost any ceremony you can think of that memorializes your special someone will lift your heart just a bit.
One last note: I've found that what you expect is what you get. If you THINK you are going to be absolutely miserable, then you will be. If you decide that you can make plans and manage, you will. Our intentions absolutely manifest in our lives. So intend to have the best day you can under bad circumstances, and MAKE PLANS that fit your life, your family, and your personal grieving style.
And, Hey! Don't forget your extended family at Beyond Indigo. We want to hear from you, what your plans are, how you will mark those special milestones, and how you feel afterward. Remember, we're all on this journey together.
The Food Ritual
By Linda J. Austin
September, 1994, Atlanta, Georgia - a cheerful person plunked a tray on mom's bedside hospital table, then scurried from the room. To live, you must eat. Few of us want to face what comes when people stop eating. It is discouraging to make someone's favorite dish and see them eat only a few small bites. Mealtimes can become stressful for the caregiver and the patient. Each wants to please the other.
I took the cover off mom's plate, surprised to see a steak, baked potato and salad. Mom looked at me and said, "Linda you eat it, you haven't had lunch yet." I didn't eat it, neither did she. Couldn't have if she wanted to. It had been weeks since she had worn her false teeth. Her gums had shrunk and the sores in her mouth made wearing dentures impossible. I found a nurse, talked with the nutritionist and got some soft food that mom could swallow without chewing. Even in a hospital, a patient needs an advocate - a person who is willing to stand up and say, this is what the patient needs.
At home there are other ways of being an advocate - making mealtimes less stressful. Small portions on a large plate leave a lot of empty space. Use a smaller plate. Cut meats, vegies into bite-sized pieces - in the kitchen (you don't want to be cutting the patient's food after you put it on their table - that would be another reminder of what's happening). To keep the plate or dishes from slipping around on a bedside table or tray, put a wet cloth under the dish. If the silverware is "heavy" (I have carpal tunnel so weight is a factor when I hold a fork) purchase something light weight - in many stores you can purchase pieces of stainless without buying an entire set. Another place to check are second hand stores, Good Will and yard sales.
Glasses and coffee mugs are other things to consider when it comes to weight.
Try not to hover. If a person eats in bed, perhaps they would like you to join them for meals. If so, set up a small table for yourself so you and the patient can make eye contact. Meals are good times for making memories. Eating together is intimate. Try to carry on the routine as much as possible - some people watch the news while eating, some listen to music. As someone said, "just because everything is different, doesn't mean that anything has changed."
Certain drugs, therapies and medical conditions change the way food tastes. Sometimes the patient can't taste anything. Also be aware of the temperature of foods - some patients are unable to sense temperature and may be scalded by hot beverages.
When taking care of others and yourself remember: Eat when you are hungry, drink when you are thirsty, rest when you are tired.
Linda J. Austin writes from experience as a nursing assistance and a family caregiver. "When I was assigned my first hospice case, I found my place in life." Retired from several careers, Linda is studying creative art therapy.
The Grieving Child: Part One
By Deb Sims, MS,RNCS,LCSW
I was twelve when my father died. Thirty-nine years later, I look back and realize that at that time, children were thought of as invisible when it came to grief. But in actuality, children grieve just as adults do. Each child's journey through the grief process is unique. There are no rules on how it should be done correctly. However, there are some guidelines. It is my hope in writing this article that no other child or parent will never have to travel the grief road alone, as I did.
I lived through the MYTHS of childhood grief. They are as follows:
Actually, children grieve at any age. However, their developmental stage determines how it is manifested. We'll speak more about the developmental stages later in this article.
Any loss is a death process to a child. The loss of a pet, a divorce, and a move are all traumatic events and if a family member has died these losses may cause re-grieving. Re-grieving is a re-experiencing of a past loss. It intensifies the experience.
I remember the minister telling me of my father's death. I had no idea what he was saying. His words were so vague and obscure that I didn't know he was telling me my father was dead. I walked back into the classroom to get my books and the little boy who sat next to me said, "I'm sorry your father died." That's when I knew what had happened. Standing in the middle of a silent classroom of peers, I learned what an adult couldn't tell me, my father had died.
It really needs to be a child or adolescent choice. Rituals help with closure but each child is a unique individual. They need to be supported and educated in what will happen to participate in what is right for them.
No one gets over a significant loss. We can accept it, adjust and learn to live with it but it doesn't go away. The fact that a child can play fools others into thinking that grief is over. The reality is children cannot tolerate long periods of sadness. The grief is not over and may be acted out in other ways.
With love, support and a healthy atmosphere most people, including children, are resilient and can learn to live with loss.
There is value in talking but for children and adolescents other creative outlets work best. Creative modes that are helpful are play, art, dance, music, activity and rituals. All of these are needed to express grief and loss.
Do you remember earlier, I mentioned I was told to be strong and take care of my mother? Children need support from the family. They especially heal if the surviving parent doesn't abandon them. However, they truly need a network of individuals including family, school, possibly church or youth organizations, and hospice if a long-term illness is involved. Many times the family is too busy just taking care of themselves.
The Grieving Child: Part Two
By Deb Sims, MS,RNCS,LCSW
In the last article about children and grief, I talked about the myths of grieving in children and adolescents. I'd like to continue with the following information. Children and adolescents definitely go through a grief cycle just as adults do. However, the way it may be expressed is different based on the developmental age of the child. I hope the following information will help in understanding the age and grief expression relationship. This is dedicated to all who have ever lost a loved one especially as a child.
Developmental stages in a child's understanding of Death or Loss.
During very early childhood approximately birth to age 3, a child views death as a loss, separation or abandonment. They have difficulty understanding the whole concept of death.
How to help your child at this age.
The most important element at this stage is the response of the living parent and significant others around them. If that security remains intact and schedules remain as normal as possible, they eventually make it through. They take their clues from the security or lack of it around them. It isn't that they don't grieve and we shouldn't pretend nothing has happened, it's just they gain security and transition based on the living parent's response to their own grief.
Ages 3 to 6: At this stage a child sees things as reversible and temporary. They may believe in "magical thinking." In their mind they believe thoughts can cause things to happen.
How to help your child during this age.
Because until the age of six, many experts believe that children conceptualize death as temporary. It is as if the person who has died has gone away and they are waiting for them to come home. At this age it's important to use precise terms when talking about death. People typically say things like "you've lost a loved one." A child may interpret this literally and assume the person can be found. At this age children engage in magical thinking and believe that their thoughts and wishes can affect reality. This can either cause them to blame themselves unnecessarily or believe if they are "good" enough perhaps their parent will return. Often at this age, children will exhibit nightmares, confusion, revert to an earlier stage of development or even seem to be unaffected by the death.
Ages 7 to 8: Here a child will begin to see death as final. They may have lost an animal at this point but they usually don't think about it as happening to them. They see it more as something that may occur in an accident, like a car accident or only in old age. They may show an unusual interest in knowing the details surrounding death, begin asking what happens after death, or again act as if nothing has happened. Social development is occurring during this stage so they'll watch how others respond and may even want to know how they should act.
Ages 9 and up: By now the child understands that death is final and irreversible. They not only know it could happen to someone else but also that it could happen to them. At this age, they may exhibit a wide range of feelings. Their reactions begin to be much more like an adult except they may also act out their grief by behavioral changes at home or school.
Explaining death to a child.
Many people worry that children can be too young to learn about death. It is better for them to learn what death means from a supportive parent, family member or counselor, rather than allowing them to form their own view of death. From about eight on, a child has usually had some experience with death. This may be the death of a pet or something that they saw on TV. But it is still important to explain that being dead means the body has stopped working and it cannot be fixed. It no longer feels cold or gets hungry, but the positive side of this is that it doesn't hurt or feel pain.
Reassure the child he or she is not to blame for the death. Help them understand that no behavior or lack of it is the reason the person is no longer living. Two things happened to me in the invisible world of grieving children, 39 years ago. The first is that a little girl I knew died two days before my father did.
Since it was my first experience with death, I wondered could our family survive if one of my parents died. I decided that if that had to happen my mother must live because I had three small siblings. Two days later my father died. I believed for years that I caused it. In reality, he had already had one serious heart attack. I probably had been worried and subconsciously preparing for the inevitable. But for years I carried that guilt with no one to ask about it.
Do you remember me saying children transition through the stages of grief better if they have a supportive parent or supportive relatives? I was told to take care of my mother. I did, I learned at twelve to be an excellent caretaker and raised my siblings because my mother withdrew. No one really supported her so she didn't support us. How to help a child cope. Make sure that someone in the family is there for the child. Don't allow the child to experience the withdrawal of the surviving parent without knowing the reason for it. When the surviving parent withdraws this is felt as rejection or desertion. It triggers their worst fears that either they will die or someone else that they love will die. Even if they ask questions that you don't have the answer for, provide them with the security of a safe environment and include them in the grieving process.
Debbie Sims is a Certified Clinical Nurse Specialist in Adult Psychiatric Nursing, has a Masters degree in Clinical Psychology, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She maintains a private practice in counseling but her devotion is to her position as Editor for Beyond Indigo an Internet web site for those who are grieving.I
The Ripple Effect
By Deb Sims, MS,RNCS,LCSW
If, right now, you are mourning the death of someone you loved, I don't have to tell you how you are feeling. You know the emotions well. You probably also know how many other areas of your life have been touched.
However, others who have not experienced such a loss may not have a clue. We tend to think only in terms of the death, not of the effect it has on all aspects of our lives. If you made a list of all the things that have changed, how many things would be on that list? Actually, let's not limit this to the death of someone we love. There are additional death processes, such as divorce or loss of health. Divorce is a death of a relationship. If the person has already experienced a death of someone they love in their life, then divorce may re-open that grief. Loss of health may mean the loss of life as we knew it and the loss of many of the things we used to do.
Death has a ripple effect. There is not a single thing that isn't affected by the experience. No matter how much you read about others' experiences, you can't be prepared for the intense emotions that engulf you when you have suffered a great personal loss.
In the early stages you'll wonder why everything around you is going on as if nothing happened, while your life is frozen in a time warp of pain. So, it won't surprise you when I say that it will take two or three years to work through a death or a divorce or the acceptance of a major illness that dramatically limits your functioning.
Let's examine this ripple effect closer.
Take out a paper and write down the major loss you have had. Now think back over the past two years.
This is an inventory of what has happened in your life prior to your major trauma.
Now let's look at what has happened as a result of the death process.
Make an inventory of the things that have changed for you since this major death process.
What you've just done is assess what has happened since your major loss (and I say it this way because I've included death, divorce and major health changes). You've looked at things that may have influenced the severity of this loss. You've evaluated how you have handled previous losses and then you've looked at all the things that have been affected by this loss. This is the ripple effect. It helps explain why death processes are not simple to go through. There is not one of us who has asked to experience the horrible emptiness and pain that come with a major loss.
But we need to understand that the feelings of grief won't hurt us if we face them and work our way through them. Read the statement carefully. We are already hurting desperately. There is no way around grief. We can't avoid it or deny it. We may try, but it will always be there and far more destructive when we attempt not to work through it.
The only way to deal with grief is to face it head on and work through it and come out on the other side. The grief work is hard and we usually can't do it alone. But it is ultimately less painful than avoiding it. We will not forget the person we love. We are not talking about getting over grief. We are talking about working through the grief. On the other side is growth.
What does it mean to grow through grief?
Sometimes you will feel worse before you feel better. It is safe to say that the first year after a major loss will be… shall I say, awful? But you can come to the end of that first year and recognize that it had some purpose and direction. You survived, and that is a significant accomplishment. You may also be able to look back on new relationships established from helping each other.
The second year is often called the lonely year. You made it through the first year and you may think things should return to normal. But, in actuality, this is the year that you realize how lonely it can be without that person you loved. Or if it is an illness, then this is the year you come to grips with all the things you can no longer do. Once the second year brush with reality is past, you will be ready to start getting on with reorganizing your life. This doesn't mean there is no more grieving. However, you will find that you have more good days than before.
By the end of the third year, you may again have what seems like a setback. But this is actually a safe time to finish work that you couldn't do before. When this is done, the pain of your loss should be decreased to a point where it finally seems manageable.
Where will you be at year four? If you have worked through the grief, you will find that growth has occurred. A sense of confidence and strength will be there. You have endured the worst and lived through it and grown. You are a different person and perhaps even a better person than when you started. Many will find themselves reaching out to others to help them. All, who allow themselves to, will find compassion for themselves and others.
When times get rough through this process, you might repeat this affirmation: (Affirmations are positive statements that affirm for us what we hope to accomplish.)
As I go through this grief, I will also grow through the experience and I will walk in sunshine again.
Resources:
Deits, Bob. Life after Loss. Tucson, AZ: Fisher Books, 1988.
Fitzgerald, Helen. The Mourning Handbook. New York: Simon and Schuster Inc., 1994.
Hickman, Martha. Healing After Loss. New York: Avon Books, Inc., 1994.
Peck, F. Scott. The Road Less Traveled. New York: Simon and Schuster, 1978.
Debbie Sims is a Certified Clinical Nurse Specialist in Adult Psychiatric Nursing, has a Masters degree in Clinical Psychology, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She maintains a private practice in counseling but her devotion is to her position as Editor for Beyond Indigo an Internet web site for those who are grieving.
I Lost the Only True Love of My Life and My Best Friend
By Jennifer
April 12 my best friend/fiancee' turned 36 years old in Heaven. I lost Steve unexpectedly on November 29, 2000. We were going to get engaged at Christmas. We made many plans and had many hopes and dreams.
We had a wonderful Thanksgiving together. The night of November 28th we had stayed up until around 2:30 a.m. talking about how much we loved each other and how it was the happiest either one of us had ever been in our lives. I finally went to bed because I had a headache,but he stayed up watching TV and fell asleep on the couch.
When I went to wake him for work the next morning, I saw some papers sitting next to him. The first thing I read was a one page letter done on a yellow legal tablet. It was a letter to me saying how he loves me so much, wants to live happily ever after with me, how he can't believe how good & complete he feels with me, how he can't imagine ever being apart from me again, how he'll never cheat on me, lie to me or abuse me, or leave me, and how he wants to be someone I can be proud of and believe in on a daily basis.
He must have fallen asleep while writing it because it ended in mid-sentence and was unsigned. I started to wake him up. He was snoring very loudly and making a sound I had never heard him make before. He wouldn't wake up. I started pulling on his arms and shaking his face. Then I got a cold wet washcloth and started wiping him with it but he still didn't wake up. I left him alone and started to get ready to go to my sister's to baby-sit my nephews.
I wrote him a note saying I was a little worried because I couldn't wake him up and for him to call me at my sister's as soon as he got up. I went to lay it next to him and walk out the door but saw that there was foam coming out of the side of his mouth and he was no longer making that snoring sound. He's a big teddy bear with a big belly and all of a sudden I realized his belly was no longer moving up and down. Then I called my sister and said I may not be there to baby-sit because I couldn't wake Steve. She asked if he was breathing and I said I didn't think so and she said to call 911 (Duh!).
It was like I was in a fog or something. Why I didn't call them sooner I don't know. While 911 had me on the line they asked if I knew CPR and I said I did and they said to drag him to the floor and they'd talk me through it. I tried but I couldn't budge him. Within five minutes I heard the sirens. They got his pulse back and got a heartbeat. They brought Steve out to the ambulance (where they had me) to take him to the hospital and I had to go back in the house to answer the Police Lieutenant's cold questions.
I started screaming his name, pushing on him really hard and pulling each of his eyelids up.
There were police cars and unmarked cars galore parked all along my street. The cops asked if they could look around my house and asked me a bunch of questions. They took the note I had written to Steve. I guess that was "evidence!" Luckily I had grabbed the letter he'd written me and had it in my pocket. They treated me like I was a suspect or criminal. When I got to the hospital he was still unconscious but was on a breathing machine and breathing.
After many tests were done the CAT scan showed he was brain dead and that the next 72 hours would be critical as to whether or not he'd pull through. The doctors were totally puzzled and had no clue what was wrong with him or what had happened. 12 long hours later after my family and my and his friends had left I sat with him and held his hand and told him I loved him, I didn't want him to go, that I wanted him back, but if he had to go then go ahead and go and if he'd watch over me somehow I'll be okay.
Those words came out of nowhere. I hadn't rehearsed them or agonized over what to say. I said those words, kissed him, and the nurse said, "Honey, he just left. He waited for you to tell him that." He hung on all day and after I gave him permission then he left. I called my parents and my mom came back to the hospital. I kept telling him good-bye and trying to leave but it took me a couple hours. I just couldn't leave him.
An autopsy was done that showed his heart had blocked arteries and was five times the size of a normal, healthy heart. His half-brother and only living blood relative decided to have him cremated because it was cheaper that way. I asked him for the ashes and first he said yes but apparently an ex-girlfriend of Steve's from over 10 years ago didn't think it was fair and now he won't let me have them.
I wanted to keep them to myself for a week or so then purchase a plot to bury them in and have a headstone made and a place I and his friends could go to. He and his half-brother had just reestablished contact after 10-15 years. His brother complained and cursed the entire time about how expensive the prayer cards cost, the funeral expenses, etc... My dad even offered to Steve's half-brother that he (my dad) would pay for the cost of setting up the grave and headstone or a space in a crematorium and gave him his phone number and told him to think about it and give him a call if he'd like him to do it. Instead Steve's ashes are disrespected, sitting in a cardboard box, in his half-brother's closet with their dad's ashes and the half-brother's grandma's ashes. It makes me sick.
I had a stroke 2 years ago from a blood clot in my vertebral artery, had blood clots in my legs and lungs 12 years ago, and have a constant 24/7 headache which doesn't respond to pain killers. Crying all the time doesn't help. I went to a support group a few times which I felt was hurting more than helping so I quit that one and just went to my second meeting of a different one which seems to fit my needs better than the other one. It is so hard, though.
None of my friends or family can relate or understand what I am going through.
I am pulling back and avoiding my friends as much as possible. Their lives are going on as normal and they expect to be able to talk to me about normal everyday things, but it is all so trivial to me. My world has stopped. My family is good about listening and trying to help me in any way they can and I am very lucky to have such a close family, however they have never had a close loss like this.
I am so lonely, angry, sad, and can't sleep. I feel a constant aching in my heart. I have been journaling, going to grief web sites, and am reading as many grief and bereavement books as I can. I also have a collection of special poems and prayers.
Thanks for listening.
In the Waves
By Forgiven
I was in my early teenage years and vacationing on the coast of Florida. Hurricane Opal had threatened to wreck our vacation plans, but it landed about 150 miles east of where we were staying. My parents and I walked along the beach, awed by the huge waves that pounded the sand. The strong undertow pulled at our ankles and calves, even in knee-high water.
Despite the red flags warning swimmers to stay out of the water, I jumped in the surf, eager to test my finely-honed swimming skills against those waves.
I am a powerful swimmer. I have been swimming since I could walk, but there are some waves that no one can fight.
We had been playing in the surf for about an hour, slowly getting exhausted but having fun. I had strayed down the beach from my family, venturing into the water up to my chest, jumping through the waves and riding them to shore.
One wave, a deep sea monster cresting about five or six feet above the water's surface, caught me by surprise and pulled me under. I was sucked into the undertow. Every time I tried to surface for air, the wave sucked me back under it. I tried to fight my way to the top as my lungs screamed for air. I tried everything I had learned in all my years of swimming, but nothing worked. I couldn't get to the surface.
Suddenly, I was no longer terrified or desperate to breathe. I felt this amazing peace, a quiet assurance, a calm..."So this is what it's like to die," I thought. There was no question in my mind that I would die. I simply no longer was scared.
I don't remember what happened next. I blacked out. I awoke on the beach, face down, like a pile of driftwood. I was a full mile from my family, who didn't realize I was gone. I lay on the warm sand, washed by the waves and thanking God for the ability to breathe that salty air.
This spring, I went back to the place where I almost drowned. I walked along the beach, enjoying the feel of the sand between my toes and the gentle tug of the waves on my ankles. I realize that that incident all those years ago was not God's time for me to go to Him. But I now know that there is nothing to fear about death...I've seen it up close, and God spared me. And I'm not afraid anymore.
Forgiven is a senior in college, majoring in journalism and European Studies. She is thankful to God for life, love and liberty.
Missing You
By Yvette Michel
At 28 and with an 11 week old baby, the word "widow" was not in my vocabulary. It was Friday November 3rd, 2001. My husband and I planned to go out to eat and then stop at his mom's house to see the baby and then he was going out like usual and I was going home to sleep.
Dinner was wonderful and he got to play with the baby for a little while. Leaving his mom's house we separated with the usual kiss and be careful speech.
At around 4:05 a.m. the dog started to stir and so I figured he was home. Sometimes it was that late if he went to get breakfast with the others. Well he did not walk into the room and that is when I heard the knock on the door.
I went to answer it and my heart fell. A state trooper was at the door asking if this was his residence. All I could say was "Tell me that he is alive." He said nothing. He asked to come in and talk to me. I went to put some clothes on and sat on the couch. The trooper then told me that there was an accident and that my husband was dead. I asked him what happened and he said that another car was involved and they met head on. Both were killed.
The other person was only 20 years old. My husband was only 32 and a new father. They still have not told me what happened for sure. The boy was drinking and coming from a club, my husband was also coming from a lounge.
The trooper called my mom to come over and waited with me until she got there. My husband was an only child. The trooper would not send someone to tell his parents. I had to tell my in-laws that there only son was dead. That is something that I hope no one ever has to do. It broke my heart all over again.
Since the funeral I have moved in with my parents. I still have my house but I have not been able to go back into the bedroom for extended periods of time. My folks have been great about helping with the baby. I am so scared to be on my own. I have never been on my own, especially with a baby. I am taking things one day at a time, and doing the best that I can but it is hard.
I am mad. Mad at God, him and the other boy. Why him? Our baby is just 12 weeks old, I am not supposed to have to do this by myself. I don't even know if I can. I know that I don't want to. This sucks. But I hope that it will get better with time and I hope that my child grows up well adjusted, knowing that her daddy loved her and did not leave her of his own choice. I know that I will have to get some counseling here soon. There are just a few more things that I need to take care of first. Baby first then mommy.
Married 5/29/1999, daughter born 8/17/2001, widowed 11/3/2001.
My Best Friend; My Mother
By Dkscott5391
Where do I start when I talk about my mother and I? We had a special relationship.
Our road was never an easy one. Through the years our relationship has been both very good and very bad. Any one who knows us knows that my mom left us on more than one occasion to chase some dream, or to move to some other state. She drank to much, mostly resulting in her disease that eventually killed her.
When she wasn't drinking she was your best friend, always there to help when someone was sick in the hospital, or troubled with something, she did a great deal to help take care of her mother when she was sick and mom and I were there when she passed away, little did I know that just 5 years later I would have to watch mom die.
It is a very awing experience to watch someone leave this life. It wasn't what I expected, it was quiet, peaceful and when she breathed her last she had a smile on her face -- the first after weeks of torment.
Mom was diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver January of 1998. By April of 98 they were only giving her a few months to live, so I moved her from Austin to Dallas to live with us in May, not realizing that at the time I was already pregnant with our second child. She lived with us for about a year and got her own apartment in Garland. She lived there a little over a year, her health just riding a fine line between livable to miserable.
There were countless trips to the doctor and hospital, gradually it got more to where she could not drive herself any where, her eyes and memory failing because of ammonia levels being high in her brain from the liver failure. In August mom was getting much worse much faster than before and after a blood test her doctor called me at work and told me to get mom to the hospital as soon as possible because her kidneys were in failure. I never dreamed that was the beginning of the end.
Three days after we arrived at the hospital things became much more grave. Shortly after Greg arrived mom slipped into a coma, she was having breathing difficulties and the doctors along with the family persuaded me to allow them to put mom on a respirator to allow some medication to reverse the problem. No one thought she would make it. I walked in the room and there she was, hooked up to every machine you can name, part of my heart died right then. But to everyone's surprise she pulled through the coma.
In a few days she was out of ICU and in a regular room. The first thing she wanted to do was smoke. The first time we went out everything was fine, but the last time I took her out was different.
It started out fine but as we sat outside and talked and she smoked, she seemed to be more and more distant, not able to answer me. Then she let out this terrible sound, I thought she was playing at first, but then her eyes rolled back in her head and her lips turned blue and her whole body was rigid and shaking, I knew she was having a seizure, I screamed for help for what seemed forever.
Everything started to move in slow motion, I had an older lady stand with mom and told her to protect her head no matter what happened, I ran in and shook the ER doors and suddenly people came from everywhere. Once I got them to understand that she was a patient there and what had gone on in the last week since she had been there they finally got her to stop seizing, I kept trying to tell them she had been fine when we went out, and that my mom had a DNR, I couldn't stop crying. I felt nervous and guilty and alone. My brother had gone home to Georgia once mom came out of the coma, and everyone else had gone home but me.
The next day she woke up back in CCU wondering why I was still there, she had no memory of the seizure. Her kidney function never returned to normal and the doctors talked with us and suggested dialysis until a liver-kidney transplant could be performed. Mom had surgery to prepare her veins in her arm for the dialysis as well as placement of a double lumen catheter in her chest for access until her arm was ready and she had her first two dialysis sessions at the hospital.
In the mean time I resigned my job at the Texas Department of Criminal Justice where I had been on medical leave and prepared to bring mom home to live with my family. I moved all of her belongings from her apartment to my house. Once home after a few more dialysis sessions she was put back in the hospital for more complications and the doctors discovered that her liver failure was so acute that she would never live to get on the waiting list for a transplant, so we made the decision to stop the dialysis and go on hospice and keep mom as comfortable as possible.
That was the middle of September. The first few weeks were not too bad, the hospice people were fantastic. But as we got into October, she got up less and less and it became harder and harder for me to help her get in and out of bed for anything and her pain got worse and worse combined with terrible nausea. Then she became unable to swallow, she would want to drink and I would have to tell her no, she couldn't remember she couldn't swallow, I would just walk out side and cry and cry.
More and more she slipped away and finally my hospice nurse told me to call the family in from out of town, my brother arrived just days before she passed. We both feel she knew he was there. My children (a boy 5 and a girl 3) wanted to go back to see her often and I never denied them access to her, I did not want them to be afraid of illness and death seeing as it is all part of life and I did my best to help them understand what was happening. On October 21st hospice couldn't find an aide to help with mom in our 24 hr care and my aunt and I endured the most awful night you can imagine, mom was having seizures and it was necessary for one of us to be with her at all times, giving her morphine and Atavan every hour to try and calm her.
Our angel Shirley arrived at 8:00 a.m. on the day Momma died. She was wonderful. Around 1:00 p.m. mom started to bring up old blood and Shirley let us know that the end was very near. My aunt and I and my brother were in the room when she took her last breath,I told them she was gone but the nurse said to wait. I knew she was gone, I just knew.
The nurse confirmed this by checking her blood pressure. It was 1:22 p.m. on October 22, 2000 when I lost my best friend, my mom. She died with a smile on her face and she had faced this challenge as she had every challenge in her life, head on with bravery and dignity. She was the strongest person I ever knew and now I would give anything for just 5 more minutes with her. Just to hug her and kiss her and tell her once more I love her.
My son and daughter both still miss her and ask about her. And we cry together. This was my first mothers day without my mom and I put yellow roses on her grave and told her I missed her but that I am thankful she is no longer in pain. If I could give one piece of advice...Don't let anything get in the way of your time with you loved ones because once they take that last breath and let it out that is it. Nothing will reverse it. Hug and kiss every chance you get, tell someone you love them. And love yourself. The end.
I live in Dallas, Texas near Mesquite.
My Brother's Sudden Death
By Beyondgrief
My brother was looking forward to this weekend just like he did every other weekend. On Friday, he came home from work, got dressed, said his goodbyes, and walked out the door. The next morning when my mother realized he hadn't come home, she got a bad feeling and panicked. She began calling all his friends to see if they knew who he was with and where he had spent the night.
No one knew where my brother was.
One of my brother's friends told my mother he had tried to stop a fight between my brother and a guy who had picked on him for no reason at all. The whole family was worried, but my mother, with a mother's instinct, felt something was wrong. My brother always called, no matter what the hour, to let us know if he was staying over at someone's house.
Around 3:00 pm that afternoon, there was a knock at the door. Two men and a woman were standing at the door with blank expressions on their faces. They asked for both my parents. My mother let them in and they all sat down. The female officer gave my parents the bad news.
"Your son has been murdered."
My mother was in shock and did not show any emotion. The color drained from my father's face. He got up and went over to my mother. He looked her in the eyes and said, "Our baby is dead." His words broke through her haze and she began to cry as she realized the truth of what was being said. My father held her in his arms and began to cry with her. They called the family over and, one by one, told everyone in person what had happened.
My grandfather gave me the news. I will never forget that moment or the look on his face. Ever since I heard my brother had been murdered there has been an enormous silence. The clock has slowed down and everything I see is dark. Seeing my brother in the casket made me sick to my stomach and I had to be escorted out of the room.
There are no words to explain what I felt at the moment. Although he looked as if he were sleeping, and despite the good cosmetic work, I could still see where he had been shot. All that ran through my mind when I saw him was that it wasn't his time and that he shouldn't have died that way. He was only 20 years old. He had a whole life ahead of him and his girlfriend was expecting his baby. He had goals and dreams he was trying to fulfill.
I have always been a woman of faith and forgiveness but the enormous amount of pain I am feeling leaves no room for me to forgive the individuals who have done this to him. I pray to God that justice is served so that there can be closure to this story. Nothing will bring my brother back but seeing the individuals responsible for his death pay for their actions will help the entire family move on and cope with our grief. Life for me, and my entire family will never be the same. I just hope I can deal with his loss and find out my purpose for living.
Gladys Q is a Beyond Indigo Member
Thank You for Being My Dad
By Laurel Davis
My father, Tom Dowd, died of cancer on August 8, 2001, at the age of 77. He was buried August 13, 2001 in Iowa. I was lucky enough to be his daughter for nearly 43 years. I would like to tell you a bit about my wonderful father. What follows are the remarks I gave at his vigil service.
It's been said that a man's worth is measured by his friends, and if that is true, then Dad was priceless!
In the last six weeks, I have learned many wonderful things about my father. When Dad was hospitalized in Rochester, we didn't know how long he'd be with us and so my brothers tape recorded Dad telling some of his great stories. I sat in awe of his powers of recall, even while he was in the midst of those high-powered radiation treatments. Most of you here tonight have heard Dad reminisce at one time or another, so you know what I'm talking about.
Additionally, I have recently had the opportunity and privilege to read through two binders that Dad spent the last several years compiling. He entitled them "The Life and Times of TJD." Within the covers of these books are copies of letters he sent and received, as well as newspaper clippings and many, many anecdotes which he took the time to put down on paper.
I now know, for the first time, how Dad got started in the insurance business and why he was so successful in his chosen profession. I also read a great story about his lifelong love of locks and keys. When Dad was five years old and living in Chicago, his father, Rupert, was unable to have their car filled with gas because the pump was locked. Dad studied the accumulation of keys in his cigar box full of treasures, selected one key, and proceeded to unlock the pump, much to the astonishment of his father and the gas station attendant.
I read about the time that Dad volunteered for MP duty while in the Army. A soldier from Dad's base who had gone A.W.O.L. had been picked up and was being housed in the jail in Dad's hometown. He needed an Army MP escort back to his unit. Dad got a free trip home to visit his family for a few days, all because he was clever enough to volunteer at the right time.
Also included in the binders were numerous columns recalling the nicknames Dad bestowed on his high school classmates . . . some complimentary and others definitely not! That is pure Dad!
In perhaps the most bittersweet entry of all, Dad wrote about his dwindling circle of longtime friends who had died. In the opening paragraph, Dad wrote words to this effect: 'I can vividly recall those times when I was faced with a problem to which I had no clear solution. I would pick up the phone to call so-and-so for advice and then it would hit me: I can't call him - - he's gone.'
In the several pages that followed, Dad wrote down his memories of those departed friends. Many of these men were known to me, but some were not. After reading Dad's recollections, however, I almost felt as if I had known them, too. I saw these men as Dad had seen them, and his words serve as a tribute to their memories.
Dad had the uncanny ability to choose people of fine character as his friends. That is a legacy that he passed on to us, his family.
Dad, we miss you greatly, but the knowledge that you are now in the company of your buddies makes your leaving us easier to bear.
In closing, I quote Ralph Barton Perry who wrote the following over 100 years ago. His words describe those relationships that Dad nurtured so carefully:
'Wherever you are, it is your own friends who make your world.'
I am a 43-year-old mother of three who recently lost my father to brain cancer.
Grief Years Later
By Kathy Sutton, RN
Hi -
I lost a 15 day old son in 1996 and our only daughter in 1997 at 13 hours to a RARE genetic disorder. I have been fighting despair through the Holidays since. I have 7 other healthy children and *try* my hardest to make the Holidays "normal", but this year is the worst.
I cannot stop crying and I am in so much pain. I miss my daughter the most -- thinking about all of "would haves". Why after 3 years would it be worse now?? It seems that the grief process would keep me moving forward, but I am now regressing!!!! HELP
Regressing.
Dear Regressing,
I am so sorry about the loss of your children! Dealing with the loss of children during the holidays can be quite painful. All of us are individuals and handle the grief process differently, and when things trigger our memories, such as the holidays, it can seem as if you are going backward through the grieving process at times. I think that its normal to go forward AND "backward" through the grief process
During the holidays when we are overstressed, exhausted and busy, sometimes our emotional defenses are lower, and things that we thought we were "over"suddenly become painful all over again. I hope that each day you try to take five minutes -- literally for just you. Take a shower with the bathroom door locked, spend five minutes in your room alone with your thoughts, or take a short walk alone.
Be creative in finding ways to spend time just for you!Spending time alone can help you regain focus and perspective and help you feel more in control of your thoughts and feelings -- and its a great stress buster and decompression method!
Another thing you might try is finding support on the beyondindigo.com message boards.There are others out there who may have other suggestions or thoughts on how to help you cope during this stressful time. Sometimes just having someone out there who understands and sympathizes with your pain can be a wonderful relief.
Beyondindigo.com also has live chats where you can come in and chat in real time with others who are struggling with grief issues. If you email deb@death-dying.com, she will be happy to email you a listing of chat times and dates.
Please remember that I am not a mental health professional, so these suggestions are just ideas that I have, and have helped me cope with overwhelming times in my life. Please, if you find yourself overwhelmed to the point of being unable to cope, or have thoughts of harming yourself or others, please seek some professional mental health care immediately. Please let me know if I can assist you further or answer any other questions you may have. Again, my sincerest condolences on your losses during this busy holiday time.
Sincerely,
Kathy
Kathy Sutton is a former high-risk obstetrical RN. Kathy has a BA from Hardin-Simmons University in Abilene, Texas, and a BS in Nursing from Texas Women's University in Denton, Texas. In the course of her nursing career, she has helped several women deal with the loss of children both at the bedside, and online for Beyond Indigo. She and her husband have dealt with the loss of two children in their personal lives as well.
I Can't Come up With the Right Wording for Thank You Notes!
By Paul V. Johnson
Dear Paul,
I'm trying to find the appropriate words to have thank you notes printed, following the death of my mother two weeks ago. I honestly can't come up with the right wording. Would you have a resource for such a note? Thank you for any help you can give me.
Sincerely,
A Reader
Dear Reader,
I am sorry to read about your mother's death and trust that you are getting needed support from family and friends during this time. In terms of "appropriate words" to have printed on a thank you note, that is really something that is up to you and is probably best decided upon by someone who knew your mother.
Most funeral homes have a selection of thank you notes from which the most appropriate selection could be made. There is one that begins "Perhaps you . . . . ." and then lists many of the things caring friends do following the death of a loved one. It is somewhat generic and can be sent to a large number of individuals without thanking them individually for something specific.
Depending on the quantity of thank you notes you have to send and how much personal writing you want to include on each one, you might consider using one of your Mom's favorite poems/verses on the outside of the card, leaving the inside blank to write your individual message.
Best wishes as you make this decision, which is but another way of honoring your Mom's memory.
Best wishes,
Paul
Paul V. Johnson, MA, is a consultant and trainer for business, industry, and educational institutions on issues related to loss and grief. He was formerly an Associate Professor of Sociology at Bethel College(MN) and Director of Aftercare Services for the Bradshaw Funeral Homes in the Twin Cities area. He has made presentations at the national conferences of major professional caregiving associations and is a member of the Association for Death Education and Counseling.
Husband Lost Best Friend and Employee
By Deb Sims, MS,RNCS,LCSW
My husband just lost his best friend (who was also his service manager for the past 10 years at his business), suddenly in a motorcycle accident. They were very close and were like brothers for the past 15 years.
It was very quick and, of course, unexpected. My husband is totally devastated. I knew this man also and was very hurt by his passing, but he was much closer to my husband. My husband was also hurt by the fact that he didn't really get to say "Good-bye." Don's organs were donated, and by the time we got to the hospital, they had already moved his body to another hospital for the purpose of harvesting his organs. They did, however, in the week previous to his death, have a conversation in which they both expressed their love for each other. (My husband had been very ill and Don told him to take care of himself because he loved him like a brother; my husband told him the same in return) I told my husband that I was happy that they had at least expressed their feelings for each other, as so many people don't ever say the words that they feel in their hearts.
Now, the situation is that not only has he lost his best friend, his stress level at work has doubled because Don's death also meant the loss of a very valued and needed employee. My husband is trying to take up the slack, but is in constant turmoil between his emotions and trying to keep the business together.
My question is: How can I help him? He has pushed me away, is very nasty to me, won't speak to me, and in general, a terror to live with. I have done my best to try to ignore his rude comments to me, and have done everything I can to make sure nothing goes wrong at home, so that his stress isn't compounded. He is acting horribly to me and our daughters. I realize that he is in a great deal of pain, but I can't handle how he has been treating us....it's awful.
How can I help him deal with his grief, yet at the same time, let him know that his behavior towards us is intolerable? I have tried to tell him how much I love him and that I will try to help him as much as I can, but I can't if he keeps pushing me away. He is cold and angry to me. Last night, for the first time in many years, he slept on the sofa. There had been no provocation on my part except that I had to take my daughter to a meeting at school and brought fast food home for dinner instead of making dinner as I usually do. This sent him into a tailspin, when it normally would not have been a big deal.
Can you give me any suggestions as to how I can act, or what I can do? I am at such a loss. Not only has Don's death affected his own family, but it is wrecking ours too.
Any suggestions you could give me would be so appreciated. This is the first time anyone close to me, or anyone that I even knew, has passed away. ( I'm in my 40's). It's been two weeks since Don's death; so it hasn't been very long, and I would love to be able to help my husband through this terrible period in his life, but would also like him not to destroy us in the meantime.
Thank you so much for your time.
Dear Reader:
Your letter was passed on to me to respond. You're speaking of the very essence of the difference between men and women. I'm so sorry for both of you, and I'll do my best to try to explain the distance between you at this time when you would hope you could both pull together.
When women are hurting, their natural tendency is to talk about the pain. They don't necessarily want someone to fix things, but rather the process of talking to someone who can listen compassionately and understand is the fixing. We don't need answers; we need someone who will listen to allow us to talk. When men are hurting, they withdraw for a while until they can deal with things again. If you try to make them talk or call attention to their pain by urging them to talk before they are ready, they'll bite your head off.
If you've read John Gray's book: "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus," he explains it well when he talks about men needing to go into their cave. I think the rest of the analogy is: "and if you follow them, the dragon will get you." This is a very delicate situation. It brings up first the loss you both are suffering. Second, and unspoken, is the fear death causes in us. We begin to think of our own mortality. What if someone even closer to us dies? For your husband, he's lost a friend, "brother," valued employee and he's obviously not ready to replace him yet. To do so would seem like a betrayal. And most important he's pushed you away, leaving him with no one to talk to and with you feeling helpless and rejected.
This is probably the point at which you are saying to yourself, "I wish a man could deal with things more like a woman." But the reality is they can't. The good news is it has only been two weeks. He's still in the very acute stages of grief. If you look at some of the other sites here at Death and Dying Grief Support, you will find articles on the stages of grief. That's a good place for you to start. It will help prepare you for what you and he will be going through. Knowing what's normal and what isn't can help you relax somewhat. You'll be assured that he will get beyond this at some point in the future. Also, it will help to understand that it is normal for men to withdraw. You don't need to walk on egg shells, but he will go through a time of pulling back from you. And, unfortunately, men also can't always express or sometimes even identify their feelings, so anything they feel comes out as anger.
If it goes on too much longer, you might want to encourage him to talk with someone. Usually, they will resist at first, but many times they can say to a pastor or a counselor what they can't express initially to their spouse: their own vulnerability and fear. So you can say to him, "I know you can't talk to me right now but I need you to talk to someone."
See if you can't get him talking to a neutral person. Then he can express his anger at this loss to someone rather than acting it out towards you. If he won't go, then maybe you should, because you may need to talk to someone for support while he's working this through.
Pam, you've brought up a very important issue: not only the issue of how to grieve and work through feelings of loss, but that we each do it differently, at a different pace and, most critical, men and women don't do it the same way.
I hope this is a helpful starting point for you. And I hope I've given a little insight into the fact that his behavior fits a male's style of coping. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you or need you--in fact quite the opposite. But he can't do the processing and grieving the way we as women would. He may need to talk with another male first or at least with someone he's not afraid of losing.
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to respond to this very painful situation for the two of you.
Deb
Debbie Sims is a Certified Clinical Nurse Specialist in Adult Psychiatric Nursing, has a Masters degree in Clinical Psychology, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She maintains a private practice in counseling but her devotion is to her position as Editor for Beyond Indigo an Internet web site for those who are grieving.
I Lost My 25-Year-Old Brother
By Deb Sims, MS,RNCS,LCSW
Dear Deb,
I recently lost my 25 year old brother the day before Christmas Eve. It was a horrible shock, but God has given me a lot of peace through it all. My mom is having a hard time this Mother's day. I wish I could make it all better for her.
Dear Reader:
I am so sorry for your loss and for your Mother's loss. I know that this is arriving after the fact and I apologize for that. There is no easy way to lessen the loss feelings on this day. She will feel intense feelings at each major holiday or anniversary day for at least a year minimum and most people feel that way quite a bit longer. But she hasn't lost all of her children. You cannot make the pain go away but you can convey your love. And actually that may even mean more a few days later rather than right on Mother's Day, a day when all we think about is our mothers or our children.
So, first I'd tell you that this is normal for her to be feeling these feelings. Then I'd urge you just to keep steadfastly acknowledging your love. She'll have to go through the stages of grief and that will take some time, but with loving support she can make it.
What will be important to you is to realize losing a child does not mean loving the rest any less. Grief is grief, and the process has to be gone through to heal. So just keep conveying your love. Explore our site for articles about the grief process and loss of a sibling. Those articles may be helpful to you. I am so sorry for the pain your whole family must be enduring now and the helplessness you must be feeling.
Blessings,
Deb
Debbie Sims is a Certified Clinical Nurse Specialist in Adult Psychiatric Nursing, has a Masters degree in Clinical Psychology, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She maintains a private practice in counseling but her devotion is to her position as Editor for Beyond Indigo an Internet web site for those who are grieving.
I'm Less Patient! What's Wrong With Me?
By Paul V. Johnson
Dear Paul:
My husband is terminally ill with cancer. I have reached the above-referenced stage in my care of him, pursuant to those outlined by Hospice (Anger, Denial, Acceptance). But I find my disposition seems to be changing. I'm less patient with him, in need of more sleep, more stressed out. He doesn't know he is terminally ill, which was MY choice. Indeed, it was my demand of all concerned. What in the world is wrong with me? He has lived nine months past the estimated date of his illness prior to his death. Hospice felt they could do no more after a year; he was doing so well. I have so much for which to be grateful: he dresses himself every day, transfers to his wheelchair by himself, we play cards every night?and so many other pluses!
What's wrong with me? Perhaps I have misread your offer of help; if so, please delete this inquiry and forget it. Thanks for whatever?
Dear Inquirer:
I am sorry to read of your husband's terminal cancer diagnosis and can understand some of the feelings you expressed. Caring for someone, as you have been caring for your husband, is one of the most emotionally and physically challenging situations any individual could ever have to face. So your feelings of impatience, tiredness, and stress are quite appropriate.
Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross' discussion of stages can be helpful in understanding our situation; however, some times they are too "cut and dried" to be helpful. (And there are other explanations of the grief experience that may be more helpful.) You mention that you are at the "acceptance" stage, but that doesn't mean that you won't experience again some of the things that may be common in some of her earlier stages.
You mention that your husband does not know of his terminal diagnosis and that it is your choice that it be that way. Part of me wonders about the wisdom of that decision. Don't you think that your husband knows of his condition even though no one may have specifically stated it?
Let's say that your husband intuitively does know of his terminal condition. Wouldn't it be a lot better for him and for you to be able to talk about it, to talk about his wishes for a funeral, to talk together about your life after his death? Talking about his situation won't change the diagnosis, but it certainly will help both of you deal with his final days.
There is one other thing you mentioned in your e-mail that may be contributing to some of your feelings. You mentioned that he has lived nine months longer than what was initially expected. You had maybe come to terms with his death occurring at that time and now the fact that he continues to live puts you back at an earlier phase and requires your moving through the stages again. Though you are glad that he is still alive, you continue to face the uncertainty of when his death will occur and that fact makes living your life even more difficult.
I liken it to a person who is driving and enters an intersection just as the light is turning yellow. They decide to continue going through rather than stopping and fully expect to hear a "thud" as someone coming from the other direction hits the back of their car. You, in effect, right now are "living your life on yellow," wondering if this is the day that your husband's death will occur. Living every day that way is emotionally draining; so it is no wonder that you are experiencing what you have shared. Again, being able to talk about it would relieve some of this stress.
I wish you and your husband the best as you continue through whatever number of days he has left. Personally, I think he knows of his condition even though no one may have specifically talked with him about it. Wouldn't it be great to be able to talk freely about everything during whatever time he may have?
Best wishes,
Paul
Paul V. Johnson, MA, is a consultant and trainer for business, industry, and educational institutions on issues related to loss and grief. He was formerly an Associate Professor of Sociology at Bethel College (MN) and Director of Aftercare Services for the Bradshaw Funeral Homes in the Twin Cities area. He has made presentations at the national conferences of major professional caregiving associations and is a member of the Association for Death Education and Counseling.
Michael's Memory
By Kathy Sutton, RN
Kathy,
We lost our son Michael 20 months ago. We have a beautiful, healthy, 5 1/2 yr. old son. I am very grateful for him because I probably would not be here today if it were not for him.
My problem is that no one remembers Michael. Thanksgiving came and went and no mention of Michael. I'm so afraid that the same thing will happen at Christmas too. All of our friends and especially our family were there for us everyday when Michael was here. And when he would have to go back into the hospital, they were all right there. Why is Michael so far from their memories now?
My heart breaks every time I mention his name and another person walks out of the room. Don't these people realize they are hurting me? And Michael's memory!! I need to talk about my son and I have no one to talk about him with. Everyone feel's so uncomfortable when Michael is mentioned. Why can't these people try to think about how it feels to be his mother and miss him every minute of every day?!
Can you offer me any advice on how to keep Michael's memory alive at the holiday's? How can I keep him part of our family's holidays? Thank you!
Michael's Memory.
Dear Michael's Memory
I am very sorry about the loss of your precious son Michael. The holidays can be a very sad time when you are grieving, and you ask some really good questions about how to handle the holidays.
First, I would like to say something about your thoughts about your family and others seeming to have forgotten your son Michael. I wonder if they have truly forgotten him or if they are trying to spare your feelings? Sometimes when a loved one dies, people don't speak about them, or seem to want to discuss them, because they are afraid of "upsetting" us, hurting us, reopening old wounds, or sometimes they simply don't know WHAT to say. I don't know all your family dynamics, but I wonder if you said to them what you wrote to me in this letter. They might come to realize that its hurting you to NOT speak about him, and that you need to talk about him if they might realize that talking about your son is important to YOU.
About your questions on how to keep your son's memory alive during the holidays and a part of your family's celebration time - I have a few suggestions I have done over the past few years in honor of the memory of my son: If you are involved in a religious organization perhaps you could place flowers in his memory inside the church, and after they have been used, take them and place them at your son's grave or memorial. I do this every year and it's a part of our family's remembering. I see from your web page that you are involved in an organization for OI. Perhaps you could organize a holiday fundraiser if you don't have one already. I think that it is up to every individual to decide what will be honor their loved one and give them focus and solace during the difficult holiday season.
I wanted to also mention that the message boards at death-dying.com are an excellent source of support during the holidays and during the year. Also, if you write to deb@death-dying.com for a list of chat times, we invite you to participate in our chats as well. I hope that you find these suggestions helpful to you. Please let m know if I can assist you further. Again, my sincerest condolences to you and your family in dealing with the loss of your child.
Sincerely,
Kathy
Kathy Sutton is a former high-risk obstetrical RN. Kathy has a BA from Hardin-Simmons University in Abilene, Texas, and a BS in Nursing from Texas Women's University in Denton, Texas. In the course of her nursing career, she has helped several women deal with the loss of children both at the bedside, and online for Beyond Indigo. She and her husband have dealt with the loss of two children in their personal lives as well.
Returning To Work: Part II
By Paul V. Johnson
Dear Paul:
Thank you for your response, Paul. I did go to work today, but only for a few hours. It all became a bit too much. I felt as though I was stepping back in time into a place when things were all right. I have brought work home with me, and will try working from home over the next week, with the intention of building up my concentration levels during that time.
I feel terrible about having to leave work today, and I am unsure exactly how my employer feels about my situation, despite the fact that everyone seemed to be understanding. I intend to return to work next Monday, when a new employee will be starting. I hope to throw myself into training her. I am hoping that this will be a new beginning for me as well.
I feel so much loss and distress that I cannot put it into words properly. Dad and I were very close, and to lose him so suddenly is very distressing. How do I possibly go on leading a normal life now?
Dear Inquirer:
I'm glad that you went back to work today, even if you weren't able to stay for as long as you had hoped. Your situation is not unlike returning to work following surgery and only being physically able to stay and continue working for a limited period of time. You are in need of emotional recovery time, and hopefully your return next week can be a new beginning for you also as you begin training the new employee.
Your final question, "How do I possibly go on leading a normal life now?" opens the door to discussing what lies ahead for you, namely having your life transformed through the grieving process following your Dad's death. From the instant that you knew your Dad had died, normal life for you (as you knew it) ended. And, whether you really believe it or not, you began developing what I call your "new normal" life which no longer includes the physical presence of your Dad. It is obviously quite uncomfortable right now, but someday you will define normal life for you in a way that includes the death of your Dad and it won't have the same degree of pain that you feel right now
To help you make this transition to a "new normal" through effectively grieving your Dad's death, there are three questions that you must answer over the coming weeks and months. There is no real time table for answering them, and they are not easily answered in just one sitting. Instead they require your thought and concentration on several occasions. Though not lengthy, their answers may be lengthy.
The first question is very brief and to the point. It is, "What have you lost?" You may say that the answer to that one is obvious and your answer is, "My Dad died." Though that is correct, it is far from complete. If we were talking about this in person, I would encourage you to list all of the many things your Dad meant to you. For example, "The person who I could talk to about anything died"; or "The person who told the greatest jokes died"; or "Tthe man I admired more than anyone else died." To fully answer this question I would encourage you to start a journal and at the top of the first page write the question, "What have I lost?" Then leave several pages for your responses. Some things that your Dad was to you perhaps have not even come to your attention yet, and as these things do come to your mind it is important to write them down.
After you have spent time with that question, (and the length of time could be weeks or months,) it is time to focus on the second question: "What do I have left?" No matter how big a part of your life your Dad was, you still have something left now that he is gone. You still have the skills to do your work, you have friends and family, you have special memories of things you did with your Dad. You have a lot left. On a subsequent page of that journal put this question, "What do I have left?" and begin the process of answering it.
It is the third and final question that, in my opinion, gives this perspective on grieving its real strength because it has a future orientation to it. The third question is, "What may still be possible for me?" and it focuses on your life in the years ahead following your Dad's death. It is true that he has died, but your life continues and, who knows, you may even make a change in the future course of your life because of his death. But the key factor is that your life goes on, and you are developing that new "normal" which will define who you are in your new status.
I hope you will spend some time working through these questions and that they are beneficial to you.
Best wishes,
Paul
Paul V. Johnson, MA, is a consultant and trainer for business, industry, and educational institutions on issues related to loss and grief. He was formerly an Associate Professor of Sociology at Bethel College(MN) and Director of Aftercare Services for the Bradshaw Funeral Homes in the Twin Cities area. He has made presentations at the national conferences of major professional caregiving associations and is a member of the Association for Death Education and Counseling.
Should I Send a Thank-You Card to Everybody?
By Paul V. Johnson
My fiance recently passed away. It is my responsibility to get the thank you cards out. I am wondering if such cards go only to those who sent flowers, or should I also send an acknowledgment to people who sent only cards?
Please let me know soon, as I would like to get started on this task, and my confusion has me stuck. Thank you.
Dear Inquirer:
I am sorry to hear about your fiance's recent death and hope that you are getting needed support from friends and family.
With reference to the thank you cards about which you asked, it is appropriate to send a thank you card or note to anyone who provided anything following your fiance's death. Whether it was flowers, a monetary memorial gift, food, or some other service, it is appropriate to send a thank you note for all of them. One more thing about the thank you cards: I would encourage you to write and send them at a rate that is comfortable for you. Too many people think that they must be sent by a specific date; then, getting them done becomes an additional burden on the grieving survivors. I would encourage you to write them at a pace that is comfortable for you. People certainly understand if they don't receive a thank you card immediately following the funeral.
Best wishes,
Paul
Paul V. Johnson, MA, is a consultant and trainer for business, industry, and educational institutions on issues related to loss and grief. He was formerly an Associate Professor of Sociology at Bethel College(MN) and Director of Aftercare Services for the Bradshaw Funeral Homes in the Twin Cities area. He has made presentations at the national conferences of major professional caregiving associations and is a member of the Association for Death Education and Counseling.
Cynthia Dumas Fuentes
July 14, 1958 - April 20, 2025
Cynthia Dumas Fuentes, 66, of Riverview, FL, passed away on Sunday, April 20, 2025. A native of Detroit, MI, she had resided here most of her lifetime and was a 1976 graduate of Brandon High School. She is survived by her sons, Josh Fuentes and John Fuentes; daughter, Taylor Fuentes and 7 grandchildren. Services are scheduled for a later date.
Edward Start
September 1, 1947 - April 16, 2025
Edward Start, 77, of Riverview, FL, passed away on Wednesday, April 16, 2025. A native of South County, RI, he has resided here since 2018 coming from Las Vegas, NV. He was an Electrician and a US Navy veteran. He is survived by his daughters, Jennifer Garcia and Rachel Gavlick; sisters, Linda Kostyrka and Janet Weiss and grandson, William Gavlick. Services are private.
John Herman Dukes
September 17, 1959 - April 12, 2025
John Herman Dukes, 65, of Plant City, FL, passed away on Saturday, April 12, 205. A native and life-long resident of the Plant City area, he was a farmer and member of the First Baptist Church of Dover. He is survived by his wife, Susan; son, Chad Aubrey (Tina) Dukes; daughter, Tisha (Doug) Miley; twin brother, Jim Dukes; sisters, Sara Hare and Sue Joyce; 9 grandchildren and 3 great-grandchildren. Services are private.
Shirley Katherine Wakefield
March 9, 1940 - April 9, 2025
Shirley Katherine Wakefield, age 85, of Tampa Florida passed away on Wednesday, April 9, 2025. Shirley was born in Plattsburg, NY on March 9, 1940, the daughter of Willis and Marriane Murray Jarvis. She worked many years in manufacturing as a product designer for Hurley Mat Company. Shirley was predeceased by her loving husband, Peter W. Wakefield, Sr., who proudly served our country in the United States Air Force.
She is survived by sons, Peter W. Wakefield, Jr. of Tampa, FL, Michael Wakefield and daughter in law, Jacqueline Mitchell, of Valrico, FL; daughter, Susan Wakefield of Brandon, FL; brother, Donald Jarvis of Montpelier, Vt.; niece, Janet Dunmyer and 4 grandchildren, Krystal Hayworth, Vanesa Wakefield, Amanda Wakefield, and Mia Mitchell. Friends and family are invited to attend a time of visitation on Friday morning April 18, 2025 from 8:15AM to 9:00AM at Southern Funeral Care, 10510 Riverview Drive, Riverview, Florida. A funeral service will immediately follow at 9:00AM. Committal services will take place at Florida National Cemetery in Bushnell, Florida with a scheduled time of 11:30AM, Friday, April 18, 2025, following the funeral service.
CELEBRATION OF LIFE SERVICE
Friday April, 18
8:15 AM - 10:15 AM
Southern Funeral Care and Cremation Services, Inc.
10510 Riverview Drive
Riverview, FL 33578
Cemetery Details
LOCATION
Florida National Cemetery
6502 S.W. 102nd Avenue
Bushnell, FL 33513
Maritza Vega
April 19, 1956 - April 9, 2025
Maritza Vega, 58, beloved wife, mother and Mimi. She was an incredible woman who loved fiercely. She was an extraordinary teacher inside and outside the classroom. From elementary school teaching to college teaching, her students were her passion. Every place she taught, she created a community for students and their families. She was loved by many.
Her strength will live on through her daughters, Dagmar (Dustin) and Lisa (Ian) along with her grandbabies, Londyn and Lana. She was preceded in death by her high school sweetheart husband David, who shares the same angel day.
Maritza will especially be remembered for her beautiful soul and fiery spirit that served to strengthen those around her.
Private service will be held at a later date. In lieu of flowers, please volunteer at your local schools.
Eugeniusz Barcewicz
October 1, 1940 - April 6, 2025
Eugeniusz Barcewicz, a devoted husband, father, and grandfather, passed away peacefully on April 6, leaving behind a legacy of strength, sacrifice, and unwavering love for his family. Born in western Russia during a time of great turmoil, Eugeniusz's early life was shaped by the aftermath of World War II. He and his family were forced to relocate to Poland, where he grew up under the challenges of communist rule. Despite the hardships, Eugeniusz built a life rooted in hard work, resilience, and deep responsibility to those he loved. He began his professional life in Poland as a physics, chemistry, Russian Language, and physical education teacher, a role that reflected his intellect and disciplined nature. Later, when his wife, Krystyna, won a green card in the U.S. immigration lottery, Eugeniusz made the brave decision to start anew in America. Together, they moved to New York City, where he adapted to his new life by taking on physically demanding work in construction. His quiet determination and tireless work ethic laid the foundation for a better future for his family. After retiring, Eugeniusz and Krystyna moved to Fort Myers, Florida, to enjoy the sunshine and to be closer to their grandchildren, Sebastian and Christian. Though he was a stern and steady presence, his love for his family was deep. Eugeniusz was a man of few words but strong convictions. He valued tradition, education, and hard work. His expectations were high because he believed in the potential of his children and grandchildren, and he wanted nothing more than to see them succeed. He is survived by his three sons: Marek (and his wife Agata), Darek (and his wife Kasia), and Alex (and his wife Lynette), as well as his grandsons, Sebastian and Christian. He is reunited in peace with his beloved wife, Krystyna. A Funeral Mass will be celebrated 10:30 A.M. Wednesday, April 16, 2025, at Resurrection Catholic Church, Riverview, with the family receiving friends one hour prior to the Mass.
VISITATION
Wednesday April, 16
9:30 AM - 10:30 AM
Resurrection Catholic Church
6819 Krycul Avenue
Riverview, FL 33578
FUNERAL MASS
Wednesday April, 16
10:30 AM
Resurrection Catholic Church
6819 Krycul Avenue
Riverview, FL 33578
James M. Rogers
December 14, 1966 - April 5, 2025
James Michael Rogers, 58, of Brandon, FL passed away on April 5,2025. A native of Florida, he had resided in the Tampa Bay area nearly all of his adult life. He is preceded in death by his father James Robert Rogers and his sister, Lynn Ellen Rogers. He is survived by his loving mother, Rosemary Ann Rogers; sister Susan R. Alday, her husband Robert, and their two sons Robert and William Alday; sister Janet M. Rogers and her two children Stacy and Joshua Knezinek; brother Bill D. Rogers; A service will be conducted at Southern Funeral Care on Monday, April 14, 2025 at 11 AM with family receiving friends, one hour prior to services. In lieu of flowers, the family asks that donations be made to Nativity Food Pantry or Humane Society of Tampa Bay.
VISITATION
Monday April, 14
10:00 AM - 11:00 AM
Southern Funeral Care and Cremation Services, Inc.
10510 Riverview Drive
Riverview, FL 33578
SERVICE
Monday April, 14
11:00 AM
Southern Funeral Care and Cremation Services, Inc.
10510 Riverview Drive
Riverview, FL 33578
Claude Sherman Kelly
February 27, 1930 - April 1, 2025
Claude Sherman Kelly, born February 27, 1930, in Venice, Florida, left this world on April 1, 2025. He went to be with his Savior in Heaven as he had publicly professed his personal faith in Jesus Christ, in the year of Our Lord, 1965. Claude is survived by his loving wife of 63 years, Frances C. Kelly. Other survivors include his three children, Ronald Sherman Kelly (Kelly), Derryl Claude Kelly, and Carol Sue Parrish (David). Claude’s six grandchildren, ten great grandchildren, and two great great grandchildren were the beloved trophies of his life. Many nieces and nephews, great nieces and nephews also were members of his family that he cherished. Claude also has two remaining siblings out of six children, his adoring sister, Myrna Faye Shinpaugh and devoted brother, Kenneth Lester Kelley. Claude never met a stranger. He meant so much to so many people, young and old. He was a faithful member of Providence Baptist Church where he became a Christian, led to the Lord by pastor, Dr. Raymond Lee Hancock. Continental Can Company had the privilege of employing Claude for thirty-three years as a lithographer pressman that required great skill. After retirement, he returned to carpentry-the trade he loved most. He was indeed a master carpenter taught by his father, Russell Vann Kelly, also a master carpenter. Six children made up the Kelly family of whom Claude was one of a set of twins, his identical twin brother, Clyde Leslie Kelly preceded him In death as did his brother Buck Kelly, and sister Barbara Rumore. Their mother, Beulah Lee Skipper Kelly, who was the constant in their lives was loved dearly and adored by her children. The Kelly children always raved about the huge, delicious tubs of banana pudding she made. Her children tell how their mother was always taking in the helpless and needy. So much more could be written about Claude and his experiences, but that would take volumes. Claude is not here with us today, but if love could have saved him, he would be. Those of us who know Christ will reunite with Claude soon. Thank you so very much from the bottom of our hearts for being with us today to honor this great man and the legend he leaves behind. The Claude S. Kelly Family Funeral services will be held 10:00 A.M. Monday, April 7, 2025, at Southern Funeral Care, Riverview, with the family receiving friends one hour prior to services. Interment will follow at Hillsboro Memorial Gardens, Brandon.
Visitation
Monday April 7th
9:00 AM - 10:00 AM
Southern Funeral Care and Cremation Services, Inc.
10510 Riverview Drive
Riverview, FL 33578
Service
Monday April 7th
10:00 AM
Southern Funeral Care and Cremation Services, Inc.
10510 Riverview Drive
Riverview, FL 33578
Cemetery Details
Location
Hillsboro Memorial Gardens
2323 West Brandon Blvd.
Brandon, FL 33511
Dolores Lynn Mayle
February 5, 1960 - April 1, 2025
It is with deep sadness that we announce the passing of Dolores Lynn Mayle, a remarkable individual characterized by her unwavering strength, kindness, and compassion, who departed from us on April 1, 2025, at the age of 65. Born on February 5, 1960, in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, to the late William and Anna Maahs, Lynn dedicated her life to spreading joy and warmth to those fortunate enough to cross her path. At the time of her passing, she resided in Riverview, Florida, where she cultivated a life surrounded by love, family, and friends.
Lynn was preceded in death by her husband, Kevin Mayle, who was her greatest source of happiness. Their union, celebrated on January 18, 2000, was marked by countless cherished experiences, including their adventures together on motorcycle rides.
Her profound love for her family is evident in the enduring legacy of treasured memories she leaves behind, particularly with her daughter, Melissa Snyder, and son-in-law, Francisco Snyder, as well as her beloved grandchildren: Francisco Snyder Jr., Sienna Snyder, Thomas Sachs III, Brianna Sachs, and Daenerys McBride. Lynn will also be deeply missed by her siblings, William Maahs, Georgeanne (Lew) Costello, Fran (Nancy) Maahs, and the late Michael Maahs, along with nieces, nephews, cousins, and friends.
Lynn found joy in simple pleasures such as playing bingo and enjoying social gatherings with friends. While her passing creates an undeniable void in the lives of her loved ones, her memory endures through the countless stories, laughter, and cherished experiences they shared together.
Funeral services are scheduled for Monday, April 7, 2025, at 1:00 PM at Southern Funeral Care, located at 10510 Riverview Dr., Riverview, FL 33578, with a visitation one hour prior to the services. Following the service, a celebration of life will be held at the Showman’ Club at 6915 Riverview Drive, providing an opportunity for friends and family to come together to share stories, reflections, and farewell tributes to this extraordinary woman.
Elsie Marie Gross
November 17, 1932 - March 31, 2025
Elsie Marie Pickens Gross, beloved wife, mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother, was born on November 17, 1932 in Palmetto, Louisiana to Lucius Pickens, Sr. and Josephine (Moore) Pickens. Elsie was the oldest of seven children; Caroline, Lucius, Jr., Edward, Cleo, Clarence and Johnell, who have all preceded her in death except her surviving sister Cleo McGee.
Elsie went to Palmetto Elementary School and was later bussed to Melville Wheatley High School where she enjoyed playing her favorite sport, basketball. After high school, she remained in Palmetto, Louisiana on her family's farm. Some years later, she moved to Houston, Texas. There, she worked in a bakery and began taking classes at Texas Southern University, where she met and married her husband of 66 years, George Gross. Once George graduated from TSU, they moved to Los Angeles, California. After some time, George was offered a position with Veterans Affairs in Kansas City, Missouri. There, they started a family together, and share two children, Reginald and Leah. While in Kansas City, she enrolled at University of Kansas where she graduated as a Certified Radiology Technologist. She worked at KU Medical Center for 20 years as an X-ray tech. In the early 1980s, a new job opportunity for George brought the family to Tampa, Florida. Once the family settled, Elsie continued her career at Brandon Regional Hospital. After dedicating over four decades of her life to the health care industry, she finally retired in 2005.
Elsie enjoyed traveling with her daughter Leah. They have travelled to Spain, England, Italy, France, Mexico and countless places within the U.S. She looked forward to her annual trips to Houston, Texas to visit with her siblings. She also enjoyed fishing with her son Reg-G. She loved working outside in her garden planting a variety of flowers. She loved cooking and baking for family and friends.
Elsie was a faithful servant of the Lord; she loved reading and studying the Word of God. Jesus was the center and the love of her life. She never met a stranger; she always saw good in everyone. Her beautiful smile and kind words were love in action. She loved unconditionally and always made each and everyone feel special.
Elsie is lovingly remembered by her husband, George Gross, her children, Reginald (Sonya) and Leah, grandchildren, Josh, Marty (Hannah), and De'jah (Demario), and a special great-grandchild, as she would like to say, Alijah. She had a host of nieces and nephews and also great nieces and nephews. She lived in the hearts of many people.
Tommy L. Scott
March 29, 1949 - March 29, 2025
It is with profound sadness that we announce the peaceful passing of LTC (Ret) Tommy LeRoy Scott, a proud veteran of the United States Army, on his birthday at age 76 on March 29, 2025, at home in Ruskin Florida. He is predeceased by his parents, MSgt Kenneth LeRoy Scott (Ret USAF) and Virginia Louise Nelson Scott and brother, Jeffery William Scott. Tom was born on March 29, 1949 in El Paso Texas. He was an avid sportsman who played football, basketball, baseball and rugby in his younger years. During his time in the army, Tom served in Special Forces and was stationed at many installations including North Carolina, Georgia, California, Washington State, Panama, El Salvador, South Korea, Hawaii, and Kansas. He was a member of the USARSO Jumping Ambassadors Parachute Team and the Golden Knights Expedition Team. Tom earned his BA in Political Science from Saint Martin’s University and his MS degree at the University of Kansas. In addition to his time in the military, Tom served as Vice Principal and Principal at Shields Middle School in Ruskin, Florida and as Principal at Marion Rodgers Middle Magnet School in Riverview, Florida. Tom and his wife Sheila hosted a variety of foreign exchange students and had the opportunity to visit with them in their homelands. They also enjoyed traveling the US in their RV with their dog Sparky and taking many cruises together. Tom was an active member of the Roamin’ Oldies Classic Car Club and Charitable Organization and enjoyed going to cruise-ins with his 1962 Ford Thunderbird. He will be remembered as a caring husband, father and brother as well as for his integrity and sense of humor. He will be greatly missed by all who knew and loved him. Tom is survived by his wife, Sheila Scott; son, David Scott; stepsons, Ernesto Garcia (Barbara) and Eric M. Garcia (Katya); stepdaughter, Chrissy Nieves (Jose); sisters, Pam Kestler (Paul), Roxanne Scott, Rhonda Newell (Derrick); brother Rick Scott (Sue) and 5 grandchildren. Service times are, Visitation will begin at 10:00AM on April 8, 2025, followed by a service of remembrance at 11:00AM both at Southern Funeral Care at 10510 Riverview Drive, Riverview FL . Inurnment will take place at the Sarasota National Cemetery, 9810 State Road 72, Sarasota, FL, at 2:00PM
In Lieu of flowers please mail a donation in Tom’s name to:
The Roamin’ Oldies Car Club
PO Box 5477
Sun City, FL 33571-5477
CELEBRATION OF LIFE SERVICE
Tuesday April, 8
10:00 AM - 12:00 PM
Southern Funeral Care and Cremation Services, Inc.
10510 Riverview Drive
Riverview, FL 33578
Cemetery Details
LOCATION
Sarasota National Cemetery
9810 State Road 72
Sarasota, FL 34241
Fred Thomas Wallace
May 10, 1937 - March 29, 2025
It is with deep sadness that the family of Frederick T. Wallace announce his peaceful passing at his Brandon home on Saturday, March 29th, 2025. He is survived by his loving family. Fred was a proud employee of Haverty's Furniture for over 30 years. A memorial service will be held at 11:00 A.M. Friday, April 4, 2025, at New Hope Methodist Church, 213 N Knights Ave, Brandon, FL 33510. In lieu of flowers, please make donations to New Hope Methodist Church or to a charity of your choice.
CELEBRATION OF LIFE SERVICE
Friday April, 4
11:00 AM
New Hope Church
213 N Knights Ave
Brandon, FL 33510
Andrea Ruth Griffin
May 3, 1956 - March 24, 2025
Andrea Griffin, 68, of Tallahassee, passed away on March 24, 2025. She was predeceased by her beloved husband, James. She is survived by her mother, Jane; her daughter, Shelby; and her precious dog, Oliver. Andrea committed her professional career to improving the quality of life and well being of the neighborhoods and communities in Tallahassee. Andrea was a loving woman who stood fierce in her convictions, always advocating for what she believed in and those she loved. Her kindness, strength, and unwavering spirit will be deeply missed. A private gathering will be held to honor her memory, where her ashes will be spread to reunite her with her husband.
Linda Brown
February 9, 1952 - March 21, 2025
Linda Brown, 73, February 09, 1952 - March 21, 2025, of Riverview, FL, passed away on Friday, March 21, 2025. Linda was a loving wife, mother and grandmother. She is survived by her daughters, Becky Smith and Sara Mrozek (Cory Mrozek); her four grandchildren, Tyler, Hailie, Callie, and Logan; nieces and nephews. She was predeceased by her loving husband, Donald Brown; her mother, father, brothers and sister. Linda devoted her life to her family and will be greatly missed.
Brenda Kay Heisler
September 27, 1955 - March 19, 2025
Brenda "Mama" Kay Heisler was born in Mejia, TX to Marjory Gunn and Charles Davis on September 27, 1955. Raised a Brandon, FL girl by Frances and Donald Gunn, she had a lifelong love for Florida. She passed peacefully in her sleep March 19, 2025. She is survived by her daughters, Lena Glass-Walz and Heather Heisler-Fraser; her grandchildren, Sam and Logan Walz; her siblings, Donna Miller, Deborah Burke, Melvin Davis, Donald Gunn Jr., Christopher Gunn, many neices and nephews, as well as many "adopted" family members she helped raise and guide. She is preceeded in death by her beloved husband, Terry Heisler. Mama lived a life of love for those around her and will be dearly missed. A Graveside service will be held 1:00 P.M. Wednesday, April 2, 2025, at Hillsboro Memorial Gardens, Brandon.
GRAVESIDE
Wednesday April, 2
1:00 PM
Hillsboro Memorial Gardens
2323 West Brandon Blvd.
Brandon, FL 33511
Donald Cline Cornett, Sr.
April 2, 1947 - March 18, 2025
Donald Cline Cornett, Sr., 77, of Valrico, FL, died peacefully at his home on March 18, 2025, surrounded by the love and support of his family, as well as close friends, during his final days. Born in Tampa, raised in Brandon, Donald was the youngest of three children and affectionately known as the “baby” to William and Dorothy Cornett, whom he characterized as the most wonderful and loving parents and grandparents. Donald’s love of the great outdoors began early in childhood, learning to hunt and fish from his greatest teacher, his father Bill. He grew up riding horseback on either Sandy, Bonnie, or Blaze into town “when Highway 60 was nothing more than a dirt road.” In junior high school, he studied agriculture under the tutelage of teacher turned lifelong friend, Douglas Holmberg, who encouraged him to join the Future Farmers of America (FFA) and went on to show prize winning livestock at both the Hillsborough County and Florida State Fairs. Donald was a proud graduate of Brandon High School Class of 1965 and remained active in alumni gatherings throughout the years. He continued his FFA membership throughout high school serving in various leadership roles including Chapter President his senior year. He was a member of the BHS marching band and sat as first chair trumpet and also played the coronet. His musicality afforded him opportunities to play with the Tampa Philharmonic and at the University of Florida under the leadership of band director Richard Bowles. Following high school, Donald matriculated into Polk State College where he studied for 2 years before enlisting in the United States Marine Corps Reserves, 4th Assault Amphibian Battalion. Sgt. Cornett proudly served his country for 5 ½ years as a combat cook, feeding upwards of 22,000 service members per day at Camp Pendleton, a staging area for soldiers deploying to Vietnam. Donald was a true patriot and a proud Marine, who in his later years rarely left the house without wearing a USMC hat. When thanked by someone for his service, he would smile and reply, “I’d do it again in a heartbeat!” Following his honorable discharge from military service, Donald embarked on a 53 year sales career in the commercial tire industry with Bridgestone/Firestone Tire and Rubber Company. His secret to success was “people buy from people” and he attributed much of his success to his mentor, Dean Akers. He loved taking care of his customers and was even known to take calls while hunting from his tree stand in North Florida or vacationing on the beaches of Anna Maria Island to ensure their needs were met. Donald was an avid hunter of deer, hog, turkey, and upland game. He was the founding member and President of Barefoot Hunt Club located in North Florida for 20 years. His years behind the scope and bow were fruitful and yielded quite a few mounted “critters” that adorn the flagstone wall of his family room. Of those, he was most proud of his 850 pound elk, Elmer, harvested near the Grand Tetons in Idaho during the Fall of 2020. (Nice miss, Freddy!) Over the years, a successful weekend at hunt camp was less about stocking his freezer to feed his family and more about watching youth members garner their first deer or turkey. His love for children could also be seen while hosting “Hooked on Fishing Not Drugs,” an annual youth charity fishing tournament sponsored by himself, his wife Judith (Judy), and the Brandon Elks for 17 years. When not bass fishing on the lakes of Valrico and Dover, Donald could be found spearfishing off both coasts of Florida, lobstering in the Florida Keys, spincasting on the flats of Tampa Bay for trout and reds, hooking halibut and slamming salmon in Alaska or slaying walleye and northern pike as far as Red Lake, Ontario, Canada. Donald was a loyal member of several service organizations, including the Brandon Elks Lodge 2383, the Fraternal Order of the Eagles and the Brandon Moose Lodge. Find a club with an animal as its mascot and he was a member! He was also a 32nd degree Master Mason and member of the Scottish Rite which fostered the salient characteristic by which he chose to be remembered: a self-reliant, independent man.Donald was preceded in death by his parents, William and Dorothy, his son, Donald Cline, Jr. and brother William Ronald Cornett. He is survived by his wife of 33 years, Judy, his daughter Carla Cornett, granddaughter Hailee Cornett (Andrew Sokolowski), bonus sons Eric Jensen (Amy) and Nathan Jensen (Candi), sister Donna Cornett Smith as well as several nieces, nephews, cousins and many, many dear friends. Donald’s family will receive visitors on Friday, March 21, 2025, from 4:00 until 6:00 P.M. at Southern Funeral Care, 10510 Riverview Drive, Riverview, FL. Funeral services will be held at 10:00 A.M. Saturday, March 22, 2025, at the funeral home, with Pastor Marc Mashburn officiating. Interment alongside his son and parents, to include full military honors, will follow at Hillsboro Memorial Gardens, Brandon, FL. Serving as pallbearers are his nephews Ronald and Kevin Smith, cousin Lee Cornett and friends Jack Blanton, Richard Cheek and Fred Wyly. Honorary pallbearers include Adrien Albritton, Douglas Holmberg, Bill Hunziker, Richard Salay, Andrew Sokolowski and Buddy Walters. A Celebration of Life reception will follow at the Brandon Elks Lodge, 800 Centennial Lodge Drive, Brandon, FL, and will include the Elks Memorial Service at 1:00 P.M. All are welcome to attend. Flowers or a donation in Donald’s memory to the Tunnel to Towers Foundation (t2t.org) are graciously accepted. Lastly, the family would like to offer a special thank you to the TGH Cancer Institute, specifically Dr. Timothy Nywening, Lorena Newsome, RN, BSN, and the entire surgical oncology team for their unwavering support, friendship, and compassionate care given throughout Donald’s hard-fought battle with pancreatic cancer.
VISITATION
Friday March, 21
4:00 PM - 6:00 PM
Southern Funeral Care and Cremation Services, Inc.
10510 Riverview Drive
Riverview, FL 33578
SERVICE
Saturday March, 22
10:00 AM
Southern Funeral Care and Cremation Services, Inc.
10510 Riverview Drive
Riverview, FL 33578
MEMORIAL SERVICE
Saturday March, 22
1:00 PM
Brandon Elks Lodge #2383
800 Centennial Lodge Drive
Brandon, FL 33510
Cemetery Details
LOCATION
Hillsboro Memorial Gardens
2323 West Brandon Blvd.
Brandon, FL 33511
Ronald Alfred Toland
July 5, 1940 - March 17, 2025
Ronald Alfred Toland, 84, of Valrico, FL, passed away on Monday, March 17, 2025. A native of Wheeling, WV, he had resided here for 20 years coming from Lynchburg, VA. He was preceded in death by his first wife, Elizabeth Toland and son, Ronald Keith Toland and is survived by his wife, Candace; daughter, Tracy (David Green) Toland; step-son, Cyle (Elizabeth) Williamson; step-daughter, Dana (Jeff) Barfield; granddaughter, Ashley (Jacob) Rawls; step-grandchildren, Ryan (Analia) Barfield, Zachary (Kenzie) Barfield, Jessica Barfield, Spencer and Wyatt Williamson and his fur babies, Bella and Milo. Interment will be in Lynchburg, VA.
Kathleen Mary Falvo
March 25, 1965 - March 16, 2025
Kathleen Mary Falvo was born on March 25, 1965, in Toms River, New Jersey. She passed in her home on March 16, 2025, in Valrico, Florida, surrounded by loved ones. She was a beloved daughter of Richard and Arlene Borkowski, beloved wife of Peter Falvo, and beloved mother of Kelsey and Timothy Falvo. Kathy, as she was affectionately known, was a shining light in the lives of all who had the privilege of knowing her. Her life on Earth was marked by family, friends, and the love she shared with all. Her greatest joys were her family and pets, which miss her dearly. Her passing has left a void in the hearts of her family, friends, and others she has touched throughout her life.Kathy is survived by her loving husband, Peter; her children Kelsey and Timothy; her loving mother, Arlene Borkowski; her brothers Phillip, James, and Brian; and her sister Cindy. She was predeceased by her father, Richard Borkowski; her grandparents Stanley and Ursula Borkowski and Martin and Ann Schuler; and her aunts and uncles Benjamin and Audrey Eisenbrey, Robert Borkowski, and Delores Oliver. After her graduation from Manchester Township High School in Lakehurst, NJ, Kathy embarked on a life-long professional career in the gaming industry. Kathy had a rare gift for making others smile and laugh, leaving a lasting impression upon all those who were blessed to cross paths with her. The Celebration of Life gathering to honor Kathy Falvo’s life will be Friday, May 16, 2025, from 1:00 - 5:00 P.M. at LeVenue, Brandon. In lieu of flowers, the family requests donations be sent to H. Lee Moffitt Cancer Research Center or First Ladies Farm-Reinventing Rescue in Kathy’s memory. The funds raised will go towards helping future patients and animals in need. Although Kathy’s physical presence no longer graces the lives of everyone she met, her spirit will continue to impact and uplift us all. May her memory be a blessing and may we carry forth her love of family and friends in all that we do. As our lives continue without Kathy, her light will shine brightly in our hearts for the rest of our days.
CELEBRATION OF LIFE GATHERING
Friday May, 16
1:00 PM - 5:00 PM
LeVenue
769 W Lumsden Road
Brandon, FL 33511
Harold "Harry" B. Edwards
July 16, 1941 - March 16, 2025
Harold B. "Harry" Edwards, 83, of Valrico, FL, passed away on Sunday, March 16, 2025. A native of Pittsburgh, PA, he graduated from the University of Alabama, 1963, as a Business Major. He joined the U.S. Air Force in 1963 and retired in 1984 as a Major. He was a Vietnam veteran, flew an F-4 Phantom as a navigator and received the Silver Star and numerous distinguished Air Medals and Flying Crosses. He was a christian and member of the First Baptist Church of Brandon and loved to travel the world, with interests in history, music, travel, literature, cars/racing, scuba diving and motorcycles. He married Carole Dilworth Edwards on December 22, 1962 and is survived by his wife, Carole; son, Jason Edwards; daughter, Elizabeth Campbell; brother, John Edwards; sister, Carol Curtis and 5 grandchildren. Graveside services will be held 9:30 A.M. Monday, March 24, 2025, at Florida National Cemetery, Bushnell, with full military honors.
GRAVESIDE
Monday March, 24
9:30 AM
Florida National Cemetery
6502 S.W. 102nd Avenue
Bushnell, FL 33513
Joseph Arnold Hendricks
June 14, 1946 - March 13, 2025
Joseph A. Hendricks, Sr., known as Mickey, passed away peacefully and suddenly at home in his sleep and went with the angels to be with our Lord and Savior on March 13, 2025. Mickey was preceded in death by his mother and father, 2 brothers and 1 daughter.
Mickey is survived by his wife Lois of 53+ years, his children Joseph Jr, Jason, Diane and Iana, 11 grandchildren, 6 great grandchildren and 2 great great grandchildren. He is also survived by sisters and brothers, Linda, Bobby, Ronnie, Janie, Norman and Nora, as well as many friends and extended family members who will miss him dearly. In addition to leaving a meaningful impression on his family and friends, Mickey worked more than 50 years at Ford Motor Company and as a Court Security Officer with the US Marshall service in Atlanta, GA and Tampa, FL. Mickey served honorably as a Sergeant in the US Air Force for 6 years. Mickey, you have completed your mission and you are done with the troubles of this world. May you be in eternal rest and peace on your journey home. We all love you and will miss you! Never forgotten!!! Your impression will never fade. Visitation will be on Thursday April 3, 2025 from 1:00pm-3:00pm at Hanley-Shelton FuneralDirectors located at 473 Lawrence St. NE, Marietta, GA 30060. Military burial service will be Friday April 4, 2025 from 11:00am-11:30am at Georgia National Cemetery-Canton, GA located at 1080 Scott Hudgens Dr, Canton GA 30114. Repass will be on Friday April 4, 2025 from 2:00pm-4:00pm @ 2584 Favor Rd SW, Marietta, GA 30060.
Rhonda Rae Williams
November 14, 1953 - March 12, 2025
It is with heavy hearts that we announce the passing of Rhonda Rae Williams, who left us on March 12, 2025, at Brandon Regional Hospital at the age of 71. Rhonda was born on November 14, 1953, in South Charleston, West Virginia, and spent her life surrounded by loved ones who will forever cherish her memory. Rhonda is a beloved mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, sister, aunt and friend. She was a devoted and loving great-grandmother to eight: Terri, Jordian, Arianna, Quinton, Brooke, Lilith, Annaliese and Maci. Her two grandchildren, Devyn and Michala, held a special place in her heart. She was preceded in death by her mother, Doris Williams (Stover); her brother, Johnnie (Fuddie) Williams; her nephew, James (Jamie) Turley; her great-niece, Lacey Boggess, and most heartbreakingly, her daughter, Terri Cash. Rhonda is survived by her two sisters, Susie Williams and Bonnie Bourassa, as well as her nieces and nephews, Billy, Jason, Roxanne, Dolores (Del), Vicki, Audrey, Amanda, Charles and Johnnie, and a host of great-nieces and great-nephews. Her family and friends were her greatest treasures, and she will be deeply missed by all who had the privilege of knowing her. Rhonda worked for many years at Red Roof Inn, where she was a well-respected and beloved member of the team. She made lasting friendships with colleagues and was appreciated by all who had the pleasure of working with her. Her warmth, kindness and selfless love for her family will remain in our hearts forever. Rhonda’s spirit will live on in the memories of the many lives she touched. She will be missed more than words can express.
VISITATION
Saturday April, 12
11:00 AM - 12:00 PM
Southern Funeral Care and Cremation Services, Inc.
10510 Riverview Drive
Riverview, FL 33578
MEMORIAL SERVICE
Saturday April, 12
12:00 PM
Southern Funeral Care and Cremation Services, Inc.
10510 Riverview Drive
Riverview, FL 33578
Patricia Marie Tupper
June 5, 1941 - March 10, 2025
Patricia Marie Tupper, 83, of Brandon, Florida, passed away peacefully surrounded by family on March 10, 2025. The eldest of six, she was born in Martin’s Ferry, Ohio on June 5, 1941, to Mary and Gudino “Reno” Scagnetti. She came into the world as a coal miner's daughter. For two years, she was cared for by her grandmother, Rosalie “Bubba” Gensor, while her mother recovered from tuberculosis. The Scagnetti family moved to Michigan, where Reno worked for Plymouth and Mary raised their children in a strong, Catholic family. Pat was a member of the St. Alphonsus High School class of 1959 and was an excellent student graduating with honors. She continued her education at Providence Hospital Nursing School and met David (the love of her life and husband of fifty-eight years) at a nursing school dance. Pat graduated with an associate degree in nursing in 1962 and celebrated “the happiest day of her life” (as later recalled to her granddaughter, Leia) when she married David on November 23, 1963. Pat and Dave began their life together in Waukesha, WI. Pat’s true vocation as a mom blossomed as she welcomed her first 3 children to the family, John (1965), Jennifer (1966), and Rebecca (1968). These busy years were filled with lots of diapers, feedings, sleepless nights, and snow and ice for the happy, young couple. From Waukesha, the family moved to Gadsden, AL, welcoming Margaret (1970) and David (1973). In addition to baby duties, Pat took on preparing her children for preschool and grade school, planning family summer road trips, and coordinating holiday vacations to Detroit, MI. Her journey then took her to Montreal, Canada where she welcomed her sixth child, Benjamin (1975). These years were memorable with a new French-Canadian culture, summer family time at Camp Kinkora, church choir, the 1976 Summer Olympics, Chinese food, and gathering to watch the Waltons and Saturday hockey night with Peter Puck and the Montreal Canadiens. The next stop on Pat’s adventure was Memphis, TN. While there were no new additions in Memphis, the hectic pace only picked up with all the children in Catholic school, where faith, sacramental preparation and service, and academics were emphasized. These years were marked with hospital nursing night shifts, countless sporting events, Friday game nights, Saturday family jobs, graduations, and the first two children off to college. In addition to working as a hospital night shift nurse, she selflessly assumed the care of her mother-in-law in the family home for a year after Eleanor Tupper suffered a stroke. Witnessing these compassionate acts of love and service clearly had an impact on her children, with four of the six pursuing a career in healthcare.
The family’s final move to Brandon, FL in 1984, welcomed them with year-round sunshine. Pat continued fostering her children's faith, community service, academics, and participation in sports. Here she left bedside nursing and began working as a phlebotomist for Southwest Florida Blood Bank. With all her children graduating and off to college, Pat was able to become more involved at Nativity Church and care for her parents during their yearly snow bird visits to the Tupper home. As the children became adults, the family expanded, eventually welcoming 6 sons- and daughters-in-laws, 21 grandchildren, and 3 great-grandchildren. Somehow Pat found a way to be physically present and share love with each of her grandchildren in their early years. The Compound transitioned from a gathering place for the children to the hub of activity for all the grandchildren. Mom loved hosting all the families at the Compound and her heart was full when the house was overflowing with family. Pat was a godly woman with quiet strength. She was the foundation and glue that held her family together. Her faith and love of God was reflected in what she said but more significantly in how she lived. She was a shining example to all through the unconditional love she provided. While healthy for most of her life, Pat fought Parkinson’s disease for the last 10 years. With quiet grace and dignity, she battled this disease with the help of her Rock Steady friends and her Nativity Christian community. She never, ever gave up, and never quit fighting. Even as the disease slowly took its toll on her body, her faith and inner strength were an example to all. Granddaughter Lauren and her fiance Tyler moved in with Pat after Dave, her soulmate, passed in 2021. All Pat’s family worked to honor her desire to remain in her home of 40+ years to the end. The family would like to thank all the caregivers who helped with Pat’s care. Healing miracles occurred during this time. Pat is survived by her six children John Tupper (Leigh Anne), Jennifer Martinez (Hector), Rebecca Miller (Jeff), Margaret Kittrell (Scott), David Tupper (Lourdes), Benjamin Tupper (Erin); 21 grandchildren Erika, Jordan (Tate), Emily, Sam (Brandon), Tito, Jamie, Michael, Lauren, Robby (Alyssa), Hannah, Grace, David Paul, Dylan, Dove, Landon, Leia, Lincoln, Luke, Anna, Lily and Lucy; 3 great grandchildren Hayden, Hudson, and Charlotte; and five siblings Christopher Scagnetti (Patti), Christine Girardot, Joseph Scagnetti (Danette), Angie Ervin, Antoinette Robins. She was preceded in death by her parents Mary and Guidino Scagnetti and her husband, David. A funeral mass will be held on Saturday, April 5th at 10am in the Chapel at Nativity Catholic Church in Brandon, FL, with a reception to follow at the church. In lieu of flowers, please consider making memorial contributions to Rock Steady Boxing Fishhawk, Pat’s Parkinson’s family for seven years. This organization provides exercise, education, socialization, and support to individuals with Parkinson’s in the local community. Donations can be sent to 3636 Erindale Dr, Valrico, FL 33596. Kindly include 'In Honor of Pat Tupper' in the memo field.
FUNERAL MASS
Saturday April, 5
10:00 AM
Nativity Catholic Church
705 East Brandon Blvd.
Brandon, FL 33511
Anita Carroll
January 7, 1927 - March 6, 2025
Anita Carroll, aged 98, died of respiratory failure on March 6th, attended by her son Philip, and daughter-in-law Lesa. A memorial service and inurnment of her ashes will be held at Holy Innocent's Episcopal Church at 3:00 on Saturday, May 24th. Anita was born in Salem, Massachusetts and lived in the area until she joined the Navy where she worked as a Photographer’s Assistant. Her name is engraved on the Women’s Military Memorial in Washington, D.C. While in the Navy, she met and married James Carroll, her husband of 52 years and gave birth to their son Philip. She was an active member of St. Dunstan's Episcopal (then Anglican) Church in Largo for over 40 years and served as the President of the Episcopal Churchwomen of the Diocese of Southwest Florida in the 1980s. Upon moving to her son's in Brandon, she became a member of Holy Innocent's Episcopal Church. She was a devoted mother and grandmother, was known as a master cookie-maker and quilter. She is survived by her son Philip and his wife Lesa, her grandchildren Sean, Eric, and Kathleen, and their children and spouses. Donations can be made to her favorite charities, Shriners International, the Women’s Military Memorial, or to Holy Innocents Episcopal Church. She was much loved and will be missed.
Upcoming Events
MEMORIAL SERVICE
Saturday May, 24
3:00 PM
Holy Innocents' Episcopal Church
604 N Valrico Rd.
Valrico, FL 33594
Frances "Fran" Gaye Brummett
July 9, 1956 - March 5, 2025
Frances "Fran" G. Brummett, 68, of Brandon, FL, passed away on Wednesday, March 5, 2025. A native of Winchester, IN, she had resided here since 1983, coming from Illinois. She was a member of St. Andrew's United Methodist Church and M.A.D.D. She was preceded in death by her son, Travis Lee Crawford; brother, Ronnie "Archie" Riddle; her niece, Jennifer Province; her parents, Dewey and Violet Riddle and her in-laws, Jimmy Brummett and Sandra Brummett. She is survived by her husband, Jimmie Brummett; daughters, Amanda Lynn Crawford Bowers (Jon) and Nelena Liff (Joshua); brother, Roger Riddle; sister, Janet Thilmony and grandchildren, Asher, Izabella, Noah, Grace and Jaiden and loved by numerous family and friends. Services will be private.
Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. -Psalms 23:4,
Patricia A. Harris
December 24, 1954 - March 2, 2025
Patricia was preceded in death by her parents, John and Barbara Kalousdian and she is survived by her loving husband, Daryl; sister, Gayle ( Gary ) Baker; nephews, Ryan and Kyle; brother, John ( Debby ) Kalousdian; nephew, Nick and niece Julia; brother in law, Malik Qamar and niece Aysha; sister in law, Elizabeth ( Dennis ) Cherup; niece, Samantha Taylor and a very very Special first cousin, Beverly Vint. Patricia was an avid collector of hallmark ornaments (100’s) that she found at yard sales and flea markets. She also loved Hippopotamus, which she also collected. She was an extremely great Pickleball player, when she wasn’t playing pickleball she was teaching pickleball. Patricia was also a great baker, making her husband Cherry, Apple, and Pumpkin Pies. Patricia was preceded in death by her parents, John and Barbara Kalousdian and she is survived by her loving husband, Daryl; sister, Gayle ( Gary ) Baker; nephews, Ryan and Kyle; brother, John ( Debby ) Kalousdian; nephew, Nick and niece Julia; brother in law, Malik Qamar and niece Aysha; sister in law, Elizabeth ( Dennis ) Cherup; niece, Samantha Taylor and a very very Special first cousin, Beverly Vint. A Special Thank you goes out to Lorrie Ramsey and the Ladies in her life group at First Baptist of Brandon, they were really great. Also a special thank you to Dr. Anderson and all the nurses at Tampa General Cancer Center. They never gave up and tried everything they could do. Pat you put up a great fight these last 5 years and won the Battle with eternal peace and comfort. Pat, thanks for a Great 40 years, you’ll be forever Loved and Deeply missed. Good Bye Babe Love You Forever!
Barry Ben Butler
March 4, 1957 - March 1, 2025
It is with heavy hearts that we announce the passing of Barry Ben Butler, on the morning of March 1, 2025. A devoted husband, father, and grandfather. Born on March 4, 1957 in Tampa Florida, he lived a life filled with a love for his family, a passion for his work, a dedication to his community. He was a 32nd degree Mason and member of the Shriners. He will be deeply missed by his partner Laura Kensicki, his children, Barry Butler and Ashley Bartlett and his grandchildren, Riley Bartlett and Aidan Butler.
A memorial service will be held on Saturday, May 3, 2025, at 10:00 A.M. at the Brandon Masonic Lodge #114. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to echofl.org in his memory.
Upcoming Events
MEMORIAL SERVICE
Saturday May, 3
10:00 AM
Brandon Masonic Lodge #114, F. & A.M.
203 North Moon Avenue
Brandon, FL 33511
Memorial Contribution
ECHO
Audrey J. Williams
November 22, 1942 - March 1, 2025
Audrey Jones Williams, 82, of Brandon, Florida, passed away on March 1, 2025. Audrey was born in 1942 in Jacksonville, Florida to the late Okle Williams Jones and the late Lloyd E. Jones, Jr. Audrey spent her childhood in Jacksonville and attended Riverside Baptist Church.
Audrey graduated from Robert E. Lee High School in Jacksonville, Florida and then went on to The University of Florida in Gainesville, Florida earning a Bachelor of Arts degree in Education. She later attended The University of South Florida where she earned a Master of Arts degree in Education.
Audrey met Daniel J. Williams at The University of Florida and they married in 1963 in Jacksonville, Florida. Audrey and Daniel remained married until his passing in 2018.
Audrey spent her entire career as an educator primarily in Hillsborough County, Florida and retired from Burns Middle School.
Audrey and Daniel both loved the Florida Gators and spent many weekends at The Swamp watching football. They also enjoyed a trip to Arizona in January 2007 to watch their beloved Gators win the college football National Championship. They enjoyed traveling in their RV and attending Gator football games around the Southeastern Conference and longer trips across North America.
Audrey was an avid reader and enjoyed keeping track of her daily reading streak and total books completed on her e-reader. She also enjoyed making jewelry for her family and friends.
Audrey and her daughters and granddaughters enjoyed spending time together at Walt Disney World as local passholders. Audrey enjoyed an annual visit to attend the Candlelight Processional at Epcot to celebrate the Christmas season through music and a retelling of the Biblical Christmas story.
Audrey joined First Baptist Church, Brandon, Florida in 1973 and remained a member until her death. She maintained a wide circle of close friends from her church and enjoyed many social gatherings through the decades with them. Those social gatherings included everything from New Year’s Eve parties in their younger years to Friday night dominos gatherings in more recent years. These get togethers were a highlight of her week and brought her much joy and laughter.
Audrey is survived by her three daughters, Okle (Richard) Miller, Elizabeth Williams, and Kimberly (Kevin) Jahn. She is also survived by her brother Lloyd E. Jones III and her granddaughter Audrey Rowan Miller. She was preceded in death by her sister Okle Jones, her brother Benjamin Jones, her sister-in-law Susan (Lloyd) Jones, and her granddaughter Lauren Elizabeth Phillips.
Visitation will take place at 10:00am on Friday, March 14, 2025 at First Baptist Church, Brandon, Florida with a memorial service to follow at 11:00am. Private interment will follow at Bloomingdale Community Cemetery, Valrico, Florida.
Memorial donations in Audrey’s memory may be directed to First Baptist Church, Brandon, Florida.
Online condolences may be shared at southernfuneralcare.com
VISITATION
Friday March, 14
10:00 AM - 11:00 AM
First Baptist Church of Brandon
216 North Parsons Avenue
Brandon, FL 33510
CELEBRATION OF LIFE SERVICE
Friday March, 14
11:00 AM
First Baptist Church of Brandon
216 North Parsons Avenue
Brandon, FL 33510
Cemetery Details
LOCATION
Bloomingdale Cemetery
3301 Bloomingdale Avenue
Valrico, FL 33596
Memorial Contribution
FIRST BAPTIST CHURCH OF BRANDON
216 North Parsons Avenue
Brandon, FL 33510
813-689-1204 Visit website
Eileen Loretta Davidson
March 19, 1943 - March 1, 2025
Eileen Loretta Davidson, 81, passed away on Saturday, March 1, 2025, at Tampa General Hospital in Tampa, FL. Eileen was born on March 19, 1943, in Bronx, NY and moved to Minot, North Dakota after marrying her late husband John Davidson, who was in the US Air Force. They moved to Florida in 1963, where they lived and raised three beautiful children.
Eileen was very strong, spunky, hardworking, and funny! She loved to talk to anyone who would listen and never met a stranger! She was the most dedicated caregiver for many years to both her mother and husband when they were unable to care for themselves. She loved to decorate her house, host holiday parties, and spend time with her lifetime friends.
Her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren all called her “Grammie”, and they were the most important thing in the world to her. She never missed a chance to spend time with them and share in each of their joys and accomplishments. Eileen’s legacy will live on through them!
Eileen is survived by her daughters, Doreen Weinberger (James) and Heather Boyer (Glenn); brother, Robert Ross; sisters, MaryAnn Christ and Loretta Minner (Bob); grandchildren, Matthew Weinberger, Krista Doran (Jordan), Alexis Tate (Sean), Alivia Davidson, Steven Mullen, Vanessa Mullen and Liam; great grandchildren, Chase, Kamden & Quinn Tate, Easton Doran, Vera, Evelyn and Jeremiah Brown along with many nieces and nephews.
Eileen is preceded in death by her husband, John T Davidson Jr. and her son, Michael Lee Davidson.
Funeral services will be held in Eileen’s honor on Tuesday, March 18, 2025, at 10:00 A.M. at Southern Funeral Care, 10510 Riverview Dr., Riverview, FL 33578. The family will receive friends from 9:00 until 10:00 A.M. Interment will follow at Florida National Cemetery, Bushnell, FL, at 12:30 P.M., where she will be buried with her late husband.
A reception for family and friends to have food and fellowship in her honor will be held from 4:00 P.M. until 6:00 p.m. at the Brandon Event Hall located at 137 S. Parsons Ave, Brandon, FL 33511.
VISITATION
Tuesday march, 18
9:00 AM - 10:00 AM
Southern Funeral Care and Cremation Services, Inc.
10510 Riverview Drive
Riverview, FL 33578
CELEBRATION OF LIFE SERVICE
Tuesday March, 18
10:00 AM
Southern Funeral Care and Cremation Services, Inc.
10510 Riverview Drive
Riverview, FL 33578
GRAVESIDE
Tuesday March, 18
12:30 PM
Florida National Cemetery
6502 S.W. 102nd Avenue
Bushnell, FL 33513
RECEPTION
Tuesday March, 18
4:00 PM - 6:00 PM
Brandon Event Space
137 S. Parsons Avenue
Brandon, FL 33511
Smitty
October 27, 1940 - February 21, 2025
Louis Edward Smith II (Smitty) (84) has passed away on 02/21/2025 @ 545 am. He passed away at Advent Health hospital in Riverview, Florida. He suffered from long term COPD and pneumonia. Louis was a resident of Tampa, Florida since the early 1980s. Born in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma to Louis Edward Smith I ( deceased) and Vera Lucille Hansford (deceased) on October 27th 1940. Widowed in May 2014 married to Mary Ellen Magoon-Smith ( deceased). Survived by 2 brothers, John Middleton and Barry Chase. Survived by his 2 biological children, Vera Penninton and James Smith and his 4 step children, Loney Wheeler, Lance Smith, Angela Remer-Cooper and John Remer Jr. Also, Survived by many grandchildren, great-grandchildren and great- great-grandchildren. Louis was a Merchant Marine of Snug Salior Harbor. He was loved very much by his family and community. He was our "Papa". There will be no services at this time.
Anna Jean Springer
July 22, 1931 - February 19, 2025
Anna Jean Dickey (Ray, Springer) went home to her Lord and Saviour on February 19, 2025. Born in Frostproof, Florida on July 22, 1931 to parents J. Alvis and Gladys (Bryant) Dickey, Anna Jean was preceded in death by her parents, her step-father Robert Ted Hinson, and her brother, Dr. H. Bryant Dickey.
She was also predeceased by her ex-husband William Wood Ray, father of her three children, and her second husband, Ralph D. Springer, She is survived by her two sons William Wood Ray, Jr. and Robert Clarence Ray and by her daughter, Dr. Rebecca Celeste Ray. She leaves three grandchildren (Yancey William Ray, Mary Ray Myers and Anna Elizabeth Ray), and took great joy in four great-grandchildren (Adalyn Myers, Will Myers, Wyatt Myers, and Jackson Ray).
A graduate of Tampa Business College, she enjoyed travel and historical and genealogical research in her retirement. She was a Baptist, and a member of the Alafia River Chapter of the DAR and the Brandon Area Genealogical and Historical Society.
Funeral services will be held 11:00 A.M. Monday, February 24, 2025, at Southern Funeral Care, Riverview, with the family receiving friends one hour prior to services. Interment will be at 1:30 P.M. at Bowling Green Cemetery, Bowling green, FL.
VISITATION
Monday fbruary, 24
10:00 AM - 11:00 AM
Southern Funeral Care and Cremation Services, Inc.
10510 Riverview Drive
Riverview, FL 33578
SERVICE
Monday February, 24
11:00 AM
Southern Funeral Care and Cremation Services, Inc.
10510 Riverview Drive
Riverview, FL 33578
GRAVESIDE
Monday February, 24
1:30 PM
Bowling Green Cemetery
4845 Bryan Avenue
Bowling Green, FL 33834
James "Jamie" E. Turley
March 30, 1978 - February 19, 2025
James E. "Jamie" Turley, 46, of Gibsonton, FL, passed away on Wednesday, February 19, 2025. A native of Charleston, WV, he had resided here 41 years. He is survived by his wife, Tiffany Dennison; son, Justis Noyes; daughters, Kelicy Silks and Nicole Sanders; parents, Jim Turley and Susie Williams; brothers, William Joseph Williams and Jason Williams; sister, Roxanne Turley and 4 grandchildren. Funeral services will be held 2:00 P.M. Tuesday, February 25, 2025, at Southern Funeral Care, Riverview, with the family receiving friends one hour prior to services.
VISITATION
Tuesday February, 25
1:00 PM - 2:00 PM
Southern Funeral Care and Cremation Services, Inc.
10510 Riverview Drive
Riverview, FL 33578
SERVICE
Tuesday February, 25
2:00 PM
Southern Funeral Care and Cremation Services, Inc.
10510 Riverview Drive
Riverview, FL 33578
Alexander Robert Bourgeau
September 11, 1975 - February 14, 2025
Alexander Robert Bourgeau passed away at his home in Brandon, Florida the second week of February, 2025. He was 49 years old. Alex was born in West Branch, Michigan on September 11, 1975 to David and Connie Bourgeau, and moved with his family to Naples, Florida in 1987. He attended St. Elizabeth Seton Catholic School, and graduated from St. John Neumann High School with the class of 1993.
Alex loved sports, especially enjoyed football season, and knew and loved to talk with family and friends about almost every sport statistic there was to know. He was a gifted athlete growing up, excelling in baseball and basketball, and was a proud and devoted, life-long fan of the Detroit Lions, Detroit Tigers, and the Michigan Wolverines.
Alex was diagnosed with juvenile diabetes at age 15, and it impacted his life in many difficult ways. He is free of the pain and suffering now, and with his Heavenly Father.
He leaves behind the people who loved and cared for him: his mother Connie Bourgeau of Naples, his sister Jennifer and husband Timothy Thomas of Valrico, Florida, his brother David and wife Monica of Portland, Oregon; sons Sergeant Shane Bourgeau stationed with the US Army in Germany, and Sabastain Kazzee of Ronda, North Carolina; nieces Em, Hannah, and Eliza Bourgeau of Portland, Oregon, and many aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends who loved him beyond measure. He was preceded in death by his dear father, David Bourgeau Jr., in February of 2024.
The family would like to extend their thanks to Mark Vargo of Southern Funeral Care in Riverview, Florida for his respectful handling of arrangements for Alex, and to all the family and friends who have reached out with phone calls, text messages, cards, flowers, and prayers.
Rest in peace, dear Alex. You were loved and will be forever in our hearts. A private graveside service will take place at Palm Royale Cemetery in Naples, Florida at a later date. Donations in memory of Alex may be made to the American Diabetes Association. diabetes.org/ways-to-give/memorial-gift
EVENT INFORMATION
Services are private.
Memorial Contribution
AMERICAN DIABETES ASSOCIATION
P.O. Box 15829
Arlington, VA 22215
Dyanko H. Sultov
October 7, 1978 - February 14, 2025
Dyanko H. Sultov, 46, of Riverview, FL, passed away on Friday. February 14, 2025. A native of Bulgaria, he had resided here for 10years and worked at the Hard Rock Casino. He is survived by his daughter, Natalia Sultova; parents, Hristo and Zlatka Sultov and brother, Ivan Sultov. A Gathering of family and friends will be held 1:00 P.M. until 3:00 P.M. Wednesday, February 19, 2025, at Southern Funeral Care, Riverview.
Celebration Of Life Gathering
Wednesday February, 19
1:00 PM - 3:00 PM
Southern Funeral Care and Cremation Services, Inc.
10510 Riverview Drive
Riverview, FL 33578
Terry Leon Ort, Sr.
December 29, 1948 - February 13, 2025Terry Leon Ort, Sr., 76, of Riverview, FL, passed away on Thursday, February 13, 2025. A native of Fort Wayne, IN, he had resided here since 1980. He is survived by his wife, Rhonda; sons, Mark and Jeremy Ort; a brother and sister; 5 grandchildren and 7 great-grandchildren. A Memorial Gathering for family and friends will be held 1:00 P.M. until 3:00 P.M. Monday, February 17, 2025, at Southern Funeral Care, Riverview. In lieu of flowers, please make donations to the American Cancer Society.
Celebration Of Life Gathering
Monday Februaruy, 17
1:00 PM - 3:00 PM
Southern Funeral Care and Cremation Services, Inc.
10510 Riverview Drive
Riverview, FL 33578
Fanny Lucile "Lucy" Meeks
October 19, 1932 - February 13, 2025
(Lucy) Fanny Lucile Meeks, 92, of Lithia, FL, passed away on Thursday, February 13, 2025. A native of Cairo, GA, she had resided here most of her lifetime. She was a school teacher and was preceded in death by her husband, Jim Meeks and son, Jimmy Meeks. She is survived by her daughter, Sandi Bennett; brothers, J.B. and Jimmy Brown; 5 grandchildren and 11 great-grandchildren. Services are private.
Travis Vierra
October 19, 1976 - February 12, 2025
Travis Scott Vierra, 48, a treasured Son, Brother, Fiancé, Father and Grandfather passed away peacefully at home surrounded by family on February 12, 2025. Travis was born on October 19, 1976, in Tampa Florida, where he resided most his life.
Travis is survived by his mother Pamela Quencer; Brothers, Trevor Vierra and Troy Palek; Fiancé, Elizabeth Summers; Children, Brianna Reiniger, Zachary Vierra, Allora Vierra, Candace Vierra and Colton Vierra and Grandchildren, Marcus Mantia, Mia Mantia, Paisley Vierra- Reiniger, and Steven Reiniger, Jr. He loved Music, Outdoors, Traveling and Football. His favorite team was the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and most of all he loved spending time and making memories with his Family and Children. Travis was a very dedicated and hard working Man. Travis had a special love for Children and loved his with his whole being! He had a smile that lit up any room he walked in, a contagious laugh and the biggest heart no matter the situation he was facing. Travis was a great friend to so many and believed that blood did not make you family, Love did! He was always willing to give anything he could including the shirt off his back to make others feel more comfortable and feel loved. Travis’s Strengths, Love and courage will always be remembered and his memory will forever live on in the hearts of those who loved him.
A Memorial Service will be held at 1:00 P.M. Saturday, February 22, 2025, at Southern Funeral Care, Riverview, with the family receiving friends one hour prior to services.
Visitation
Saturday February, 22
12:00 PM - 1:00 PM
Southern Funeral Care and Cremation Services, Inc.
10510 Riverview Drive
Riverview, FL 33578
Memorial Service
Saturday February, 22
1:00 PM
Southern Funeral Care and Cremation Services, Inc.
10510 Riverview Drive
Riverview, FL 33578
Robert Joseph Young
January 3, 1937 - February 12, 2025
Robert J. Young, of Brandon passed away on February12, 2025. He was born to the late Joseph and Cecilia Young in Brockton, MA on January 3, 1937. He is survived by his loving wife Linda Benz-Young and his love and legacy will live on with his 6 children, Mark Young (Elizabeth), Lisa Martin (James), James Young, Kathleen Hayes (Steven), Nancy Lach (Robert), Jeffrey Young (Chris), 11 grandchildren and 4 great grandchildren. He was a loving husband, father, and grandfather, he was supportive of his children's dreams and encouraged them to pursue them. He loved times at the beach, gardening in the yard and traveling. A celebration of life will be held at a later date.
William Allen Schwartz, Sr.
August 5, 1941 - February 9, 2025
William Allen Schwartz Sr., 83, of Lithia, Florida, passed away peacefully on February 9th, 2025 surrounded by his loving family and friends.
Bill Schwartz was born on August 5th, 1941 in Harrisburg Pennsylvania. He graduated from high school in 1959 and enlisted in the Navy. He was honorably discharged in 1965.
Bill married Barbara Schaar in 1964 in Maryland. Barbara and Bill were married for 61 wonderful years. He worked as a computer systems analyst until he retired, but those that knew him remember him as a ”jack of all trades” and an amazing handyman that could do almost anything. He also loved to fish and snow ski. Bill was a member of Saint Stephens Catholic Church in Riverview Florida.
Bill is survived by his wife Barbara Schwartz, his sister Carol Carion (Bill), sister in law Cindy Martin (Jim), brother in law Bill Schaar, son Allen Schwartz (Krissy), daughter Tracy Smith (Todd), grandchildren Cody Schwartz (Shauna), Kendall Smith and Griffin Smith, great grandson Carter Schwartz and many wonderful, close friends, nieces and nephews.
A Celebration of Life will he held on Sunday, March 23 from 2pm - 5pm at Twisted Oaks Venue located at 105 Cagle Road, Brandon, Florida 33511. In lieu of flowers, please direct donations to Alzheimer’s Association.
Dennis Dean Koren
November 26, 1950 - February 8, 2025
Dennis D. Koren, 74, passed suddenly at his home in north Zephyrhills, Saturday, February 8, 2025. Born November 26,1950, in Orlando, to parents Edward F. and Frances Boyd Koren, he is survived by his wife of a total of 17 years, Carol Lynne; his brother and his wife, Edward F. and Louise Koren; step-son, Torrey and wife Macaela Garcia and numerous nieces and nephews.
During the 1970's, Dennis criss-crossed the United States and parts of Mexico and Canada as a sound engineer for the popular touring soul/jazz band, Time Machine, which on at least one occasion opened for legendary band, Tower of Power. At this time in his journey he was able to scale many peaks in the Rockies, the Sierras, and Glacier National Park, at times challenging his body to severe below-zero temperatures and altitude sickness. The band's closing gig was a working, eight week, all expenses paid vacation in Hawaii, where he enjoyed snorkeling and taking photos with a rental waterproof camera, in the wildlife-rich temperate waters.
For a short time after the band broke up, he tried selling life insurance in the Seattle area. But one of his prospective clients instead sold him on the best Life insurance possible: Jesus Christ! Soon after, he met a man who broke every rule in the book, who took him inside the highly secure Super Walmart sized floor of the entire Pacific Northwest Bell mainframe computer warehouse. There, Dennis knew his life-long mission was calling him.
Enrolling in Washington State University's nationally recognized Computer Science Program in 1980, he soon met the love of his life, Carol Mahlberg, who was pursuing her own Bachelor's degree in Business Administration. In 1982 Dennis finished his BA in CompSci, was hired by IBM, and married Carol. Together they moved to New Paltz, New York, to be near his work in Poughkeepsie, and so Carol could complete her degree in Business, which she did. Dennis worked for IBM for 24 years, celebrating his career with recognition as a provider of vital research contributions to a US Patent, and named therein, now owned as intellectual property by IBM. Dennis never "blew his own horn" about this remarkable achievement - he was always a modest man.
While still at IBM, he earned his Master's degree in Computer Science at Syracuse University. During this time, his wife of 7.5 years left to explore in her own journey- but the parting was so amicable that they shared the same lawyer, and each professed to a possible reconciliation. However, Carol soon became involved in another relationship, married, and gave birth to a son.
Even after IBM and the breakup of his marriage, Dennis craved to add a new passage to his life, and returned to school at State University of New York's flagship campus at Albany, New York. There he had near perfect marks and excelled at leading group projects, even among much younger, internationally diverse students- these were the world's cream of the crop. However, the spectre of age-discrimination foiled his plans, even after completing his second Master's Degree, this in Accounting with near perfect marks.
Unable to find work, he decided to return to his roots, and moved back to Florida. There, he bought a home. It was about this time that he learned that his all-time love, Carol, had ended the marriage with the other individual. Cautiously, but overjoyed, they came together again! Carol followed Dennis to Florida, where they re-married in March of 2015.
For eight years Dennis worked for Hillsborough County Schools as a school bus driver, where he was revered and respected for his wisdom and firm compassion, by administrators and students, alike.
He went on to re-tool his employment bag once again, this last time with highly regarded Jackson Hewitt, working as a tax preparer, where he was also loved and revered, until the time of his passing.
Services celebrating his life will be held at Fellowship Baptist Church, 13515 N. USS HWY 301, Thonotosassa, FL 33592 Thursday, February 13th, 2025. Viewing will begin at 9:30, followed by traditional service at 10:30. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to Fellowship Baptist Church.
Visitation
Thursday February, 13
9:30 AM - 10:30 AM
Fellowship Baptist Church
13515 North US Highway 301
Thonotosassa, FL 33592
Celebration of Life Service
Thursday February, 13
10:30 AM
Fellowship Baptist Church
13515 North US Highway 301
Thonotosassa, FL 33592
Richard Keith Jenkins
May 27, 1949 - February 7, 2025
Richard K. Jenkins, 75, of Brandon, FL. died Friday, February 7, 2025, at Brandon Hospital surrounded by family and after talking to family on his phone. He was born in Schneider Home in Eldon, Missouri on May 27, 1949, the son of the late Herschel Isaac and Alicia Lucille Jenkins.
He graduated from Eldon High School in 1967. In 1969, he went to proudly serve in the United States Navy in Whidbey Island, Washington as an Aviation Fire Control Technician maintaining ballistic flight computers, and servicing planes. He also played softball, basketball and football for his Navy teams.
After military service, he attended Linn Technical College and worked at Cheseborough Ponds. He then moved to St Louis and worked for Mylee Digital Science making inventory computers testing electronics. Next jobs were at Artonix testing electronics, Emerson Electric repairing Tow Missile launches, LaBarge Medical in St Louis managing the Field Service department.
In 1980, he moved to Elfers, FL for a job at Johnson & Johnson Critikon, Incorporated working in the testing department. Later moving to Brandon, FL he continued working for Critikon, Group Technologies and Baxter Healthcare Corporation.
He was a Mason at Brandon Masonic Lodge No 114 in Brandon, FL.
Rick enjoyed being with his family and friends, visiting historic sites, going to the beach, playing golf, softball, wallyball, bowling and beach volleyball. Rick enjoyed watching old movies, was an avid reader and was extremely knowledgeable of historic moments. He was often called “The Hatman” for the variety of hats he collected and wore. Known for his storytelling, Rick always kept a smile on the faces of those around him. He was a friendly, caring soul who was always there if you needed a hand.
He is survived by his wife, Sherry; four children, Tammy Wickham (Dave), Scott Ellermann, Nicole Cohn (Steve), Amy Davidson (Stephen), 15 grandchildren, numerous great grandchildren and brothers Hershel Jenkins (Carolyn) and Randall Jenkins (Susan).
He was preceded in death by his parents, brother David Jenkins, and great grandson Wesley Bryan.
Instead of a service, Richard desired for family and friends to share stories of fun memories they had with him. In lieu of flowers please donate to your desired charitable organization.
Michael S. Selemba
February 15, 1944 - February 5, 2025
Michael S. Selemba, treasured husband, father, Papa and friend, passed away peacefully in Florida on February 5, 2025 with his family by his side.
He was born on February 15, 1944 in Ferndale, Michigan. While he always called Michigan home, he thoroughly enjoyed his retirement years as a snowbird down in Riverview, Florida. His ambition, hard work and dedication set the way for his rise from bag boy to upper management at Kroger for over 40 years. It was at a Kroger store that he met his devoted wife, Marilynne. They spent 58 wonderful years together with their 3 children and their families.
Family meant everything to Mike. He had an absolute sense of right and wrong, and made sure his children were instilled with a strong moral compass. He was very proud of his kids, and even prouder of his grandchildren. He loved nothing more than to spend time boating, fishing, camping and exploring the outdoors with his family. His grandchildren will always remember the many hours they spent at parks, swimming in his pool, and playing games like Webkinz, poker and blackjack. He had a passion for geography and presidential trivia, and loved all things peanut butter and chocolate.
Mike is survived by his wife Marilynne, and 3 children Dawn (Michael) Cummings, Kim (John) Galecki, and Michael (Anne) Selemba. He was an extraordinary Papa to Michael Cummings III, Nick Galecki, Patrick Cummings, David Selemba, Jenna Galecki and Catey Selemba. He touched the lives of many other family members and friends as well. His dog, Buddy, was his constant companion and will miss him dearly.
We couldn't have asked for a better husband / father / Papa/ friend, and we are so grateful for the almost 81 years we had with him.
A Celebration of Life will be held at a later date.
Darrin Brantmeier
February 14, 1966 - February 2, 2025
Darrin Brantmeier passed away Sunday February 2, 2025, after a short illness with his wife
Wendy Brantmeier and daughter Samantha Brantmeier by his side. Darrin was born February 14, 1966, to the late Lester Brantmeier and Bonnie Monty. He had a brother Raymond (Rhonda) Brantmeier, nephews: Nathan, Natalie, Noah Sister Heidi Brantmeier and niece Alicia. Darrin has 2 daughters Samantha Brantmeier and Natassia. Along with 3 grandchildren Kadin,
Kaleah, Kannon. In 2009 Darrin met Wendy and found the love of his life. Darrin and Wendy Brantmeier became
husband and wife in May 2010, adding 2 more children Brittany (Aaron Deshler), and JJ Spencer. Darrin and Wendy continued to live in Green Bay Wisconsin until 2011 when they moved to Riverview Florida. And he obtained a job with Gopher Resources.
Together Darrin and Wendy enjoyed going to CJ’s Saloon and Beer Shed to socialize with
friends along with traveling to Wisconsin to see his family and watch their grandson Kadin play
baseball. He liked to visit with the family. Although Darrin led people to believe he was a grumpy person he was really a Big Ol Teddy Bear. He was a kindhearted soul that loved his wife to pieces. He also enjoyed riding his
Harley’s and building bikes. Darrin leaves behind Wife, Daughters, Grandchildren, Stepfather (Ken), brother, sister,
nephews, nieces, in laws and many friends. Wendy would like to thank Samantha Brantmeier for being by his side. Along with her daughter, Brittany Deshler and her sister Tina Reince for coming to Florida to help her during this difficult
time. Celebration of Life will be held at CJ’s Saloon in Riverview, Florida on February 8, 2025, at 3 pm.
Celebration of Life Service
Saturday February, 8
3:00 PM
CJs Saloon
9411 US 301
Riverview
Hugh M. Sampson, Jr.
December 1, 1929 - January 29, 2025
Hugh Mahlon Sampson Jr. 95, was surrounded by his family as he peacefully entered his heavenly home on January 29th, 2025. He was born on December 1st, 1929 in Mango, Florida. Hugh attended Brandon High School Class of 1948. He served in his church all of his adult life, as a Deacon and youth group Leader and sang in the choir well into his 90’s. He earned his reward hearing “well done, good and faithful servant.”
Hugh is predeceased by his parents, Hugh Sr. and Annie Vida Sampson, his brothers Bryan, Ralph and sister Louise. He is survived by Virginia, his best friend, love of his life and wife of 72 years. They married in 1952 and devoted their life to raising their family and serving the Lord. Along side his wife he raised and contributed to the lives of children they didn’t have to, loved on people continuously and remained generous to others. Hugh is survived by his children David Sampson, Julie & Neal Poe, Ray & Beth Kelp, grandchildren Josie and Branden along with over 60 nieces and nephews including greats, great-greats and great-great-greats.
Hugh served in the Army, he was a dairy farmer and served on the board of the Independent Dairy Farmers Association in the agricultural industry. Hugh and Virginia faithfully attended First Baptist Church of Brandon, Bell Shoals Baptist and First Baptist of Blairsville. They enjoyed their retirement splitting time between Valrico Florida and the mountains of Blairsville Georgia.
Services will be at a later date and remembrances may be made to The Gideons Foundation in his name. Hugh’s favorite bible verses include Psalm 139: 23-24 and Psalm 19:14. His greatest wish is for those he knows and loves to know the Lord.
Neal Morris Nightingale
April 19, 1929 - January 27, 2025
Neal Morris Nightingale, born April 19, 1929, passed quietly January 27, 2025. Neal was the 6th of 8 children born to Samuel and Ella Nightingale of Oregon, Ohio-- a suburb of Toledo, where they owned a flower farm, in addition to Samuel working a rigorous, full-time job at a foundry.
From a very young age, Neal embraced the value of being of service to others and of stepping up and helping when a need is at hand. He learned this working on his family's farm, and that ethic followed him throughout his life. Indeed, he was a man you could count on!
Parents Sam and Ella were so proud that all eight Nightingale children earned college degrees, and 7 of 8 were educators or administrators of education. After teaching for a couple of years, Neal served our nation in the U.S. Army at Schofield Barracks, Hawaii. Neal's career passion was physical education. He spent decades teaching, coaching and writing physical education curriculum. He was also an incredibly versatile, all-around athlete himself, demonstrating prowess in every sport he ever involved himself in-- from high school football, basketball and baseball, winning all-conference awards in each; to lawn bowling, tennis and Pickleball in his later years winning club, state, or national championships in each. In Sun City Center, he is best known for his remarkable expertise in Pickleball, having achieved Senior World Game champion, earning several medals and having served as Regional Director of the U.S. Pickleball Association for the States of Florida, Georgia, Alabama and North and South Carolina. Neal mentored and introduced Pickleball to many Sun City Center residents!
In athletics, time eventually wins out and as Neal got older he channeled his energy into the Tillers & Toilers Garden Club where he grew beautiful gladioluses, zinnias, irises, and marigolds which he donated to the Good Samaritans of Sun City Center to share with shut-ins throughout the community.
Neal married the love of his life-- Mary Mount Nightingale in 1960, and they spent a beautiful and rich life together in Michigan City and West Lafayette, Indiana, and then for over 30 years in Sun City Center, until Mary's passing in May of 2023. Their Christian faith was the pinnacle of their incredibly happy and long marriage. In their retirement years, they also enjoyed Ballroom dancing and playing Bridge.
Although he had no children, Neal built notably meaningful, lifelong relationships with numerous nieces, nephews, students and younger friends who considered him much like a father figure. He was a man who filled the hearts of those who knew him with inspiration, confidence and encouragement.
Nearly 96 at his passing, Neal is preceded in death by his parents, wife and all 7 siblings, but is survived by most of his nieces, nephews, great nieces, great nephews and numerous beloved friends who will keep his spirit alive and close to their hearts.
"The real lasting bonds between people are the strongest when they work for a common cause and get pleasure from it-- no matter how difficult.". -- Neal Nightingale, 2013
You can pay tribute to Neal by donating in his name to any of these clubs that are part of the Sun City Center Community Association: Pickleball, Tillers & Toilers, Tennis, or Lawn Bowling.
Sandra Faye Magie
March 24, 1936 - January 26, 2025
Sandra Faye Magie, aged 88, passed away on January 26, 2025, in Sun City Center, FL. Born in Middletown, NY on March 24, 1936, the daughter of Frank and Delores Brodt Morgan. She was baptized and spent many years attending services at First Congregational Church of Middletown. She graduated from Middletown High School in 1953. Sandra dedicated 30 years to Horton Memorial Hospital as a Central Services Technician, where she was respected for her diligence and care. Sandra moved to Zephyrhills, FL in 2011 and enjoyed spending time with her family, reading, watching game shows and doing her word searches. She loved the holidays and especially Christmas. Sandra is survived by her sisters, Carol (Donald) Decker and Darlene Kurz; daughters, Dawn (Matt) Taylor and Deborah (Mike) Thomas; six grandchildren; thirteen great-grandchildren; many nieces/nephews and other loving family. She was preceded in death by her husband Eugene Magie; son, Dion Magie; her parents, Delores and Frank Morgan; her sister, Donna Sherman; and her brother, Gary Morgan. Friends and family are invited to gather and share memories at Cornelius, Dodd & Connell Funeral Home, located at 26 Grove St., Middletown, NY. Visitation will be held on Friday, February 7th from 4pm to 7pm. The funeral service will take place on Saturday, February 8th at 10am, followed by burial at Wallkill Cemetery.
Contributions in memory of Sandra can be made to LifePath Hospice through Chapters Health (https://www.chaptershealth.org/foundation/lifepathhospice-donation/).
Robert James Vogel
January 9, 1951 - January 26, 2025
Robert James Vogel, 74, of Ruskin, FL, passed away on Sunday, January 26, 2025. A native of Redbank, NJ, he had resided here 35 years. He was preceded in death by his wife, Laura and son, Jesse Vogel and is survived by his daughter, Jennifer Stephens; brothers, Rick and Ray Vogel; sisters, Mary Moore and Cassie Goodwin and grandchildren, Katelyn, Brodie and Owen. Services are pending.
Bonnie Mullikin Horne
April 3, 1946 - January 23, 2025
Bonnie Mullikin Horne, 78, of Plant City, FL, passed away on Thursday, January 23, 2025. A native of Maysville, KY, she had resided here since 1969 coming from Ohio. She is survived by her husband, Paul; daughters, Deanna Horne and Susann Mitchell; brothers, William, Joseph and Kenneth Mullikin and 6 grandchildren. Services are private.
Jeanne Elizabeth Butte
February 9, 1936 - January 23, 2025
Jeanne Elizabeth Butte, 88, of Lithia, FL, passed away on Thursday, January 23, 2025. A native of Tainan, Taiwan, she had resided here since 2003, coming from N.Y. She was a member of New Hope United Methodist Church, Brandon and was involved with the Meals On Wheels program. Jeanne Butte was a Jesus loving and God fearing woman who lived to almost 89 years. She was a loving and giving daughter, sister, and mother. She was the oldest of four children with three brothers (Thomas, Alexander, and Richard) and she had four children (Eric, Kenneth, Patricia, and Andrew) with her husband, Henry who passed in 1988. She also had 5 grandchildren (Jaron, Kyle, Nicole, Ryan, and Aubrey), one great grandchild (Vienna), and many friends. We will miss her loving and generous ways, her kindness and calmness during all situations, her love for sports, especially hockey, and her dry whit and humor. She was a great role model and friend to her children. We will miss her deeply." Services are pending.
Cynthia Irene Paul
July 14, 1958 - January 23, 2025
Cynthia Irene Paul, 66, of Brandon, FL, passed away on Thursday, January 23, 2025. A native of Brooksville, FL, she had resided here most of her lifetime and attended Nativity Catholic Church, Brandon. She is survived by her husband, Franklin R.K. Sylva and brothers, Phillip and Vernon Paul. Services are private.
Corey Daniel Cochran
March 1, 1989 - January 19, 2025
Corey Daniel Cochran, 35, of Tampa FL, passed away on Sunday, January 19, 2025. A native and life-long resident of the Brandon area, he is survived by his father and step-mother, James Cochran and Sheri Macia; mother, Karen Davis; sisters, Julie Cochran, Samantha Macia-Cochran and Jessica Macia-Cochran; step-brothers, Richard and Michael Smythe and step-sister, Sarah Macia. Services are private.
Dreama Ann Hager
April 27, 1947 - January 17, 2025
Dreama Ann Hager, born on April 27, 1947, in Roanoke, Virginia, passed away peacefully on January 17, 2025.
Dreama is survived by her devoted husband of 57 years, Martin Hager, who remained steadfastly by her side throughout her illness, ensuring she was never alone. Their enduring love was a rare and beautiful bond. She is also survived by her daughter, Amy Hager Chiusano; her son, Martin Hager Jr., and his wife Melissa; her cherished grandson, Skyler; her nephew, James Patterson, and his wife Jaclyn; her great-niece Abigail; as well as one sister and one brother.
For 40 years, Dreama dedicated herself to teaching K2-K4 children at two Christian schools. She found immense joy in shaping young minds and often spoke fondly of her students. Many of them would recognize her years later and greet her with warm hugs. One of her favorite activities was teaching children to sign to Mercy Me’s “I Can Only Imagine,” a memory treasured by those she taught.
Dreama’s love for her family was boundless. She shared a special bond with her grandson Skyler, who brought her endless pride and joy. She also delighted in writing letters to her great-niece Abigail and cherished their time together. Dreama had a unique gift for making everyone she met feel like a lifelong friend.
She enjoyed spending time with loved ones at theme parks, fishing, thrift shopping, and visiting Williamsburg. Her warmth and kindness left an indelible mark on all who knew her.
Dreama Ann Hager will be deeply missed by her family and friends until the day they are reunited in Heaven. Her memory will live on in the hearts of all who were fortunate enough to know her.
A Celebration of Life will take place on February 8th, 2025 at 11:00am at First Baptist Church in Ruskin 820 College Ave W, Ruskin, FL 33570.
An additional Celebration of Life will take place in her hometown of Chesapeake, Virginia at a later date.
In lieu of flowers, the family request donations be made to Gideon's International or the First Baptist Church of Ruskin's missionary fund.
Celebration of Life Service
Saturday February, 8
11:00 AM
First Baptist Church of Ruskin
820 College Avenue, West
Ruskin, FL 33570
Angela Kay Lassalle
September 12, 1977 - January 17, 2025
Angela Kay Lassalle, 47, of Apollo Beach, FL, passed away on Friday, January 17, 2025. A native of Wiesbaden, Germany, she had resided here most of her lifetime. She was a Christian, a member of VFW and the West Coast Florida Riders. She is survived by her father and step-mother, Randall and Janice Kilnowitz; mother, Carol Kilnowitz; brother, Scott Bean; sister, Michele Wells, as well as many aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews and cousins, and her Fiance', Christopher Rogers. A Celebration of her life will be held 12:00 P.M. Saturday, February 8, 2025, at the VFW Post 7122, Floral City, FL. In lieu of flowers, please make donations to the Hillsborough County Pet Resource Center.
Celebration of Life Service
Saturday February, 8
12:00 PM
VFW Post 7122 - Joe Nic Barco Floral City
8191 S. Florida Avenue
Floral City, FL 34436
Memorial Contribution
Hillsborough County Pet Resources Foundation Inc.
440 N Falkenburg Road
Tampa, FL 33619
(813) 586-1988
April Anna Jimenez
April 6, 1956 - January 16, 2025
It is with a heavy heart that we share the passing of April Jimenez, who went peacefully on January 16, 2025. She was surrounded by love given to her by family and friends at the time she was taken by the angels. Born to Nick and Irene Jimenez, she was a beautiful and vibrant spirit who touched the lives of all who knew her. April had a passion for music that brought life and rhythm into every moment. A devoted sports fan, she could often be found cheering passionately for her favorite New York team. In her quieter moments, she found joy and creativity in crocheting, creating beautiful pieces that will forever remind us of her warmth and love. April also enjoyed spending time with family and friends, spreading her infectious smile and love to everyone around her. April is survived by a brother and a sister, four children, eleven grandchildren, and one great grandson. Her family was her greatest treasure, and her love and laughter will remain with them forever.
A celebration of April's life will be held at Southern Funeral Care, 10501 Riverview Dr. Riverview, FL 33578, on Thursday, January 23rd, 2025 from 12-3 PM, where all are welcome to gather and honor her incredible life. She will be deeply missed but forever remembered in the hearts of those who knew her.
Visitation
Thursday January, 23
12:00 PM - 1:00 PM
Southern Funeral Care and Cremation Services, Inc.
10510 Riverview Drive
Riverview, FL 33578
Celebration of Life Service
Thursday January, 23
1:00 PM
Southern Funeral Care and Cremation Services, Inc.
10510 Riverview Drive
Riverview, FL 33578
Wilfred Joseph Caraballo
August 27, 1976 - January 7, 2025
Wilfred Joseph Caraballo, beloved son, brother, uncle, and friend, passed away unexpectedly on January 7, 2025, at the age of 48. He was born on August 27, 1976, in Tampa, Florida, and grew up in the Brandon-Valrico area. He attended Bloomingdale High School, where he formed lifelong friendships and graduated with the Class of 1994.
He was the cherished son of Wil and Janet Caraballo and a devoted brother to Paul and Matt.
Wil was also a beloved uncle to Graham, Wade, and Wren, taking great joy in watching them grow and taking them fishing. He was known to give the best gifts at Christmas and birthdays.
Wil was a proud graduate of the University of Florida, earning both a bachelor's and a master's degree in business administration from the Warrington College of Business. His time as a Gator shaped much of his life, fueling his love of football and community.
In addition to his academic achievements, Wil was deeply passionate about the Tampa Rough Riders and their involvement in the community. From giving out beads at Gasparilla to teddy bears to those in need, Wil loved everything about being a Rough Rider and took immense pride in their mission.
An avid sports fan, Wil devoted his weekends during football season to cheering on his favorite teams. On Saturdays, he proudly joined fellow Gator fans at The Swamp, and on Sundays, he brought his unwavering support of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Raymond James Stadium.
Wil’s other great passion in life was fishing. The water was his sanctuary, a place where he found serenity and happiness. He was a dedicated catch-and-release fisherman who cherished the thrill of the sport while respecting the beauty of nature. Wil took joy sharing with children—his niece, nephews, and friends’ kids—the simple pleasure of fishing, showing them the magic of a day spent by the water.
Wil’s generosity, big heart, and smile touched everyone who knew him. He leaves behind a legacy of loyalty, laughter, and an unforgettable house party.
Wil is survived by his parents, Wil and Janet Caraballo of Valrico; his brother Paul (Michelle) and nephews Graham and Wade of Dallas; his brother Matt (Amber) and niece Wren of Tampa; and numerous beloved aunts, uncles, and cousins.
A Funeral Mass will be celebrated at 1:00 P.M. Thursday, January 16, 2025, at Nativity Catholic Church, Brandon, with the family receiving friends one hour prior to the Mass.
In lieu of flowers, the family kindly requests donations be made in Wil’s honor to one of the following causes that reflect his dedication to community and conservation:
• Crisis Center of Tampa Bay
• American Red Cross – California Wildfires
• Coastal Conservation Association Florida - Redfish Restocking Initiative
Wil will forever remain in the hearts of those who loved him, his memory a beacon of the vibrant and selfless life he lived.
Crisis Center of Tampa Bay
About - https://www.crisiscenter.com/about-us/
Donate - https://www.crisiscenter.com/support-the-crisis-center/financial-donations/
American Red Cross – California Wildfires
About - https://www.redcross.org/about-us/our-work/disaster-relief.html
Donate - https://www.redcross.org/donate/donation.html/
Coastal Conservation Association Florida - Redfish Restocking Initiative
About - https://ccaflorida.org/history-copy/
Donate - https://ccaflorida.org/product/redfishrestocking/
Visitation
Thursday January, 16
12:00 PM - 1:00 PM
Nativity Catholic Church
705 East Brandon Blvd.
Brandon, FL 33511
Funeral Mass
Thursday January, 16
1:00 PM
Nativity Catholic Church
705 East Brandon Blvd.
Brandon, FL 33511
Chuck Scallan
September 3, 1952 - January 5, 2025
Chuck Scallan, 72, of Plant City, FL, passed away on Sunday, January 5, 2025. A native of Mansura, LA, he had resided here since 1972 coming from Massachusetts. He was a member of St. Francis of Asissi Catholic Church; B.P.O. Elks Lodge, Brandon #2383; Brandon Moose Lodge and was a U.S. Coast Guard veteran. He was preceded in death by his son, E.J. and is survived by his wife, Debi; daughters, Melissa Salinas and Angela Scallan; 2 sisters; 8 grandchildren and 3 great-grandchildren. Funeral services will be held 10:30 A.M. Wednesday, January 15, 2025, at Southern Funeral Care, Riverview, with the family receiving friends one hour prior to services. Interment will follow at 1:00 P.M. at Florida National Cemetery, Bushnell, FL. In lieu of flowers, please make donations to the family.There will be a reception after the burial at the Brandon Moose Lodge, 804 S. Miller Rd., Valrico, at 4:00 P.M.
Visitation
Wednesday january, 15
9:30 AM - 10:30 AM
Southern Funeral Care and Cremation Services, Inc.
10510 Riverview Drive
Riverview, FL 33578
Service
Wednesday January, 15
10:30 AM
Southern Funeral Care and Cremation Services, Inc.
10510 Riverview Drive
Riverview, FL 33578
Located in Riverview, FL, Southern Funeral Care specializes in traditional funerals, cremation, and Veteran services. 24-hour availability. Over 50 years of combined experience. Immediate pricing. Call us today.
Hillsborough County, FL
We service surrounding areas for additional fees based on the city or distance.
24-Hour Availability
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